Melody Hubert: Treading water and ‘stick-to-itiveness’

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“My dad always said, ‘You're brilliant, but you have no stick-to-itiveness.’ I did so many different things but I couldn’t stick with anything for long.”

Melody is a 45-year-old radiologic technologist from Central Florida. When her son was little, he was diagnosed with ADHD, but like many parents, it never occurred to her that she could also possibly have ADHD. Many years later, it was a chance conversation with a patient about Melody’s “hobby hopping” that led her down her own rabbit hole to an eventual diagnosis.

We talk about how Melody’s ADHD has impacted her life, including focus, indecision, impulsivity, and “stick-to-itiveness.’ We also talk about the positives of ADHD, including her ability to stay calm in a crisis and juggle multiple part-time jobs while caring for her family members.

We also talk about how an adult ADHD diagnosis feels like you’re swimming in the ocean with other people you suddenly realize they're all standing on a sandbar while you're the only one treading water!

And, you’ll love Melody’s SASSy alternative name for ADHD!

Instagram: @harmony_rk

Links & Resources:

Jessica McCabe’s TedTalk

Enjoy!

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Melody Hubert 0:00
There was one particular time that a patient coded on the table in the O R, and we had to do CPR on that patient. And I have never been more focused in my whole life than in that chaos when a lot was going on, but it was like my brain was more clear than it had ever been. That should have really been a tip off.

Katy Weber 0:29
Hello, and welcome to the women and ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Katy Weber. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 45. And it completely turned my world upside down. I've been looking back at so much of my life, school, jobs, my relationships, all of it with this new lens and it has been nothing short of overwhelming. I quickly discovered I was not the only woman to have this experience. And now I interview other women who like me discovered in adulthood they have ADHD and are finally feeling like they understand who they are and how to best lean into their strengths, both professionally and personally. Alright, here we are at Episode 184, in which I interviewed melody Hubert melody is a 45 year old radiologic technologist from Central Florida. When her son was little he was diagnosed with ADHD but like many parents, it never occurred to melody that she could also possibly have ADHD. Many years later, she had a chance conversation with one of her patients about melodies hobby hopping, and that led her down her own rabbit hole to an eventual diagnosis. We talked about how Melody's ADHD has impacted her life, including things like focus, indecision, impulsivity, and what her father calls her lack of stick to itiveness. That said, we also talk about the positives of ADHD, including her ability to stay calm in a crisis and juggle multiple part time jobs while caring for some of her family members. Melody also talks about how an adult ADHD diagnosis feels like you are swimming in the ocean with other people until you suddenly realize that they are all standing on a sandbar. While you're the only one treading water. You may have noticed before you hit play that this episode is a bit longer than usual. But honestly, we just couldn't help ourselves. The conversation just gets better and better as you go along as far as I'm concerned. And by the end, we're pretty unhinged and a little giddy. And you will love melodies sassy alternative name for ADHD. So stay tuned for that. On that note, I will waste no more time. And let's get to it.

Melody Hubert 2:43
Hi, Melody. Welcome. Hi. Thank you for having me.

Katy Weber 2:47
Well, thank you for being here. Thank you for reaching out. I was really, really intrigued when I read some of your background. So I'm like, I have a million questions. I'm trying to figure out where to start. But I guess let's start with your diagnosis and kind of your own journey. You were, gosh, your son was diagnosed as a child. And you said you had no clue. You mentioned it was an odd passing comment from one of your patients, right? Yes. So I

Melody Hubert 3:15
was working as an x ray tech. And a patient came in and she said she we were excavating her hands. And she said something like, Oh, I hope I don't need surgery on my hands because I quilt. And I said, Oh, I used to quilt. And she's like, what kind of quilting did you do? And I said, Honestly, I don't remember I said I probably only did like one quilt and then moved on to something else. I said, I've kind of had a lot of hobbies. And she said, You know, that's a symptom of ADHD, right? And I said, Hmm, no, I did not know that. Never, never even occurred to me. And so I started kind of digging in and and researching online. And the more I kind of looked at how research says it presents in women, the more it resonated with me. And so when I came back to work, I said to my coworker, I was like, Hey, listen, if a doctor were to, you know, diagnosed me with ADHD, would that surprise you? And she goes, No, just like that. And I thought, Oh, God, then later on in the day, because I was kind of fixated on this at that point. Later in the day, I was walking through the doctor's dictation room and they were talking about someone with ADHD. And I said, Hey, stop talking about me. And they just kind of laughed, you know? And then I said, No, seriously, though, I kind of popped my head back in I said seriously, though, I do think I have ADHD maybe. And the doctor looked at me and he said, Hmm, you, you compensate well, but I see it. And I'm like shit. I didn't know that, that anybody was really paying attention. You know that anyone would notice that. But then at that time, I also worked at a different location down the street and So when I went down there, I said to the two co workers that I work with, they're, you know, hey, ask them the same question. If a doctor diagnosed me with ADHD, would you be surprised? And the one co worker laughed at and said, No, not at all. And the other one said, I thought you'd already been diagnosed like years ago, you didn't know this already. I said, No, I had no idea. And again, I mean, I saw it in my son, because when he was little, I was homeschooling. And it was very apparent to me that we had an issue as far as trying to keep him focused. And he was very rambunctious, and he had interesting traits to when I look back on it, things that he did, like, he would go on these, I guess, phases, where he would be super fixated on something. So for a little while, it was Santa Claus, he was Santa Claus, he would dress a Santa Claus all day long every day, then he moved on to being super fixated on Phantom of the Opera. And I mean, all of these fixations lasted probably a good, you know, months, if not more, and if not more than a year, then it was Shamu, we had a big, big fixation on Shamu for a while. So things like that, that I look back on his presentation, okay, I can kind of see some similarities with me. But for the most part, it was different, you know, like, like, I get super fixated on things, too. But definitely not the rambunctious, inability to do as you're told and stay seated and complete a task kind of thing. So it was, it was definitely different for me. But then I ended up while I went to my doctor, actually my primary care physician, and I said, because he knows I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, my whole life. But every time anyone put me on medication for it, it either caused really bad things to happen, or it just simply didn't work at all. And I would try to convince myself maybe it was working, but it, it definitely was not. And so when I said something to him, because I said, you know, I'm really happier now than I have been, than I can ever remember being as an adult. And this was, you know, probably a year or so ago that I said that to him. And he, he said, Yeah, you know, dying, the diagnosis of depression, anxiety, even bipolar. None of that fit. None of it made sense. He said, Yeah, we're taking that out of your chart, you're definitely not that's not your issue, because I've been off meds, because none of them are helping for years. And I've been fine as far as my emotion. And so he took that out of the chart. But then after I started talking to this lady and researching about ADHD, and everything, when I went back to him, I said, I'm really starting to think I have ADHD. And he said, Yeah, you need to go to a psychiatrist, because there's definitely something going on. And that probably makes sense. So he sent me to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist, I had like a, I guess, an hour long conversation with a psychiatrist. And I had already made a huge list of things, looking back at my life, things that had happened. Traits, I've always had things people have said to me to kind of explain and convinced to him, you know, convince him of what I pretty much knew to be true. And it didn't take long. Actually, it was two different psychiatrists who pretty much right away said, yeah, yeah, you've got it. But the first one I didn't really like he wanted to send me to a lab like LabCorp to get blood work done. I think it was to drug test me. And then when I got there, he hadn't sent the order over when I call it as his office. He didn't answer they said in a voice recording, or whatever came on saying they would get back to me within 24 hours, which doesn't help me when I'm standing at LabCorp. So I quickly left him and went and found a different psychiatrist. And that one said the same thing. And that was only a couple of months ago. So I'm still very newly diagnosed. And I've probably binge listened to about 50 of your podcast episodes at this point. So I still got several to go. But it's definitely helped me a lot. And I'm still kind of learning about myself. And I feel like I'm best friends with everybody I've listened to on your podcast. It's amazing, right?

Katy Weber 9:24
I know. When somebody tells me they've listened to that many episodes, I've always liked God, you know a lot about me.

Melody Hubert 9:32
Yeah, you're, you're kind of a celebrity. But I was so happy that you were good with with me coming on the podcast because there's nothing special about me. I'm just basic and normal, just your everyday person. But I think a lot of women out there are your basic normal everyday people and they're struggling and honestly, my whole family is sick of hearing the word ADHD come out of my mouth. So it's nice to talk to somebody else.

Unknown Speaker 9:56
They're kind of over it, I think.

Katy Weber 9:57
I mean, I think that's basically why I started the podcast because I was so fascinated, right? You know, it's interesting when you're talking about going to the psychiatrist with this long list of reasons in your life that that you've come to this conclusion and how we get into this situation where we're trying to convince the physicians that we have ADHD like, it just amazes me how few people understand it, how we're doing so much of the educating in terms of talking to the doctors, but at the same time, also filled with so much self doubt, which is like, is this ADHD? Is this not maybe I got this wrong? Like, maybe I am making excuses. And yet, there's clearly this long list of reasons why you have ADHD and all the evidence, and it's like, looking over your whole life, and seeing it evidence of it everywhere. And yet, at the same time, I think the very nature of it makes it so that we are endlessly questioning it, right?

Melody Hubert 10:59
Yes. Yeah. Because I definitely feel like I need to, you know, not just convince the doctor, but in a way, convince myself to and, and be like, okay, ask me some challenging questions, doubt me for a minute, so that I can give you my evidence and so that I can go back, I mean, maybe I'm, maybe I'm only looking in my life at the things that would support this. And I'm not paying attention to things that would contradict it, maybe I don't know. But definitely, every piece of my whole life makes so much sense now. And I forget who it was on one of the podcasts. But she said, it's, it's a good feeling to know that, you know, choices you've made and things you've done, don't speak to your moral character, it's, it's really, a matter of your brain works a certain way. And I feel like now, it's kind of nice that I can just say, well, this is the way my brain works, I am not going to fight it, you know, where I did fight it for so long. It's a lot of wasted energy. And it's just easier if I if I just know that certain things I'm going to be able to do and just say you know what other things I may not be able to do. And I'm going to know it upfront and not over commit myself to something because I know myself well enough now to know that there's no fighting my biology. And that's just the way that I am. Right.

Katy Weber 12:22
And that's that's what I say when I'm like there's, you know, when you have this diagnosis, it's not like you're handed some secret manual that tells you how to live with ADHD. I wish there was because I feel like we've all been searching for it our whole lives. So it would be really nice. But like, it really is just about looking over some of these things that we did over the course of the years been like, oh, it makes sense why that happened and why I didn't do this, or why I did do this. And, you know, a lot of the time, it's pretty dangerous. I mean, you were listing some of the like past hit, you know, history of some of the evidence that we have. And it's some serious stuff, right? Like the, you know, addictions, eating disorders, like, you know, it's not a happy experience for a lot of us a lot with our ADHD. But I think at the same time, really just looking at ourselves with kindness is like the number one way in which we begin to heal after an adult diagnosis.

Melody Hubert 13:22
Yes, I know, I've spoken to one of my very good friends who I've been friends with for probably 30 years. And it was no sooner out of my mouth. And she said, Oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure I have it too. And it's kind of funny recently, I've actually started because I don't really watch TV, my husband watches TV. And I sit there and do other things because he's learned, I cannot sit and watch. I will do one of two things. I'll either fall asleep like if we go to a movie theater, and I'm laying in a, you know, one of those comfy lounge chairs, I will fall asleep and I'll start snoring and embarrass the hell out of him. Or I'm going to get up nonstop. And so like, in many ways, like I used to work for his, the company that he works for, for a short period of time I did. I kept up the website, but it was nonstop spreadsheets. For a I mean, I love spreadsheets. I love them. I love algebra too. I'm I'm kind of weird, but I could not sit for that length of time. And he would remark to me because his desk is right here next to mine. And he would say oh my god you're getting up again. I'm like you know I get up go to the bathroom get up to get a snack get up to get coffee get up to switch the laundry over I could not just sit at this computer, nonstop. I can't and thank God I found my way into a career where I don't have to do that. But yeah, the the constant I don't remember what you said no, I don't remember the talking about what got me

Katy Weber 14:49
started. Well, you know, it reminds me of something else that you had talked about when you had reached out to me that I wanted to ask you about. One of the things that I remember happening when I was diagnosed was like A lot of the things, you know, a lot of the descriptions of ADHD like moves a lot, fidgets can sit still hyperactive, I never would have thought of myself as that person. Now I'm like, Oh, I'm hella that person. I just like, it just never occurred to me. And I think there's so many things that like, I just never paid attention to about myself that now I'm like, oh, no, I am actually that person. And I wonder, I think it was something like, you were talking about a comment from your first husband that you now looked back. And you know, he had made some negative comment when you were when you were separated, where he was like, you can't hold down a job and, and it almost like went over your head at the moment. But then looking back, you're like, Oh, that's a really dick move. And it kind of reminded me of the way that like, we're spending so much time struggling and treading water that a lot of the time these things go over our heads. And it's only once we sit back and start to like, evaluate the situation that you're like, oh, yeah, I was really struggling or Oh, yeah, that was a really mean thing that person did.

Melody Hubert 16:08
Well. And at that time, I feel like I thought I thought that he was basically saying that because I I only had a two year degree at that time. And it was an eighth degree. So it wasn't really like I could go do anything with that degree at the time. And so that's kind of what I thought he meant was, you know, I don't immediately have a way. But that's not what you said, What you said was, you can't hold a job. And I think he knew something about me that I didn't even know. I think everybody kind of knew I was hot mess. But I don't know, I think those people who knew me well, I think people who knew me in passing probably thought I had it pretty together. But at different stages of my life. And it definitely, you know, the the times in my life, where things were changing, like with the depression, and anxiety and all of that. And at one time, I was 100 pounds heavier. For instance, being that heavy, I got that way. Because I was miserable. I was sitting at home, I was a homemaker. He didn't want me to work. And that's kind of the role that he had. I don't want to say force me to do but, you know, I had fallen into and he probably didn't imagine I could get myself out of that role very easily. When it comes to structure and activity through my life, times of higher structure and higher activity, I would definitely thrived much more. Like when I went away to college had a terrible time, I'd always been a 4.0 or higher student, you know, if you count my, what do you call it, the weighted GPA. I had always done really well graduated summa cum laude. But the minute that I went away to college, I got like B's and C's, and I kind of went a little nuts. And I, I took all afternoon classes because there was no way in heck, I was waking up in the morning to go to school. And I was really struggling in college. And I couldn't make up my mind what I wanted to do. I changed majors over and over again, I was pre Dental. I was pre law. I was marketing, you know, Business Business Administration's, but I did finally get my, because it seemed generic enough to kind of cover me, because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do. And then when I met my first husband, he said, Well, I want you to stay at home and be a homemaker. And that sounded like an easy out. Because I couldn't make up my mind. And, you know, I was married to him for 11 years. And it's not that he was a bad person at all. And most the problem was most people looked at the way that I lived and thought that it was great. And that I should be happy. Because I didn't have to work and he was taking care of me. And that wasn't stimulating enough at all. And I think that's why I ended up homeschooling my kids just because I needed something challenging to do. And then when I finally got to a point, I mean, I had a back injury, they put me on, you know, back in that time, there was no thought of the problems that being on narcotics long term could cause and I was on them for like three years. sick as a dog on them and the pain. It was ever present. And then it wasn't until I started doing my own research and realizing that that those medications can cause pain if you are addicted to them, and you body's dependent on them. So I quit it. I just woke up one day, and I was like, I'm gonna die if I stay in this current situation with this with this husband and with with this purpose in life or lack thereof and on these medications and add, you know, I was 280 pounds, and it's like all of a sudden, and this is where I think my impulsivity served me well. I just decided that was the end of it. I was done. I was going to leave him get off the medication because I realized it was actually causing more harm than good. It wasn't helping me anymore. Went back to school just kind of changed everything. And as far as treading water, which I know I've heard you say a lot And the way that I think about the treading water my whole life is have you ever been in the ocean swimming with other people, and you're all treading water, as far as you know, but then you realize they're up on like a sandbar. And you're still kicking really hard underneath to stay. But you can't tell you're looking at them. And you think, well, they're they're doing exactly the same thing I and they look like they're doing the same, you know, their arms are going around like this, you know, they look like they're doing this. No, you're working so much harder. And you have no way of knowing that because you can't see beneath the water. And that's kind of the way I feel like it's been my whole life where you look at other people and you think that they're going through the same thing, but they're not, except for the few people maybe that you become friends with who lo and behold, have the same issues you do. You know. And so every time I've ever spoken with any of my friends, they all kind of confirmed kind of what I was going through. Yeah, we all have problems with indecision we all have, you know what I mean? Probably because they have it too. And we're all drawn to each other. So I, I really had terrible issues, like in school, even having a 4.0 GPA reading. And again, at the time, I didn't know that reading was such a problem. I didn't know that. I just assumed it kind of everyone was like this, I needed to try harder, I needed to focus because my brain would halfway through a paragraph, I could read better than anyone, you know, in school, reading out loud. If I if I took you know, they would always have us like take turns reading through the tap chapter like in in these classes. And I would read and I would read with perfect inflection, pausing at the commas, like I'm supposed to pronouncing everything correctly. But then asked me later what it was that I read, I could not tell you, my brain just would take a hiatus and I couldn't even tell you where in that paragraph or page, my brain took off. And so I'd have to go back and read again and read again and read again. And so I got pretty good. I think that compensating and just kind of going back and looking at the highlights, and skimming the text really fast. Because you know, I've read reread the same page five times, still couldn't tell you every detail on it. And I'd have to just move on because I've got, you know, 50 pages to read, and I can't get through them all. But nobody ever thought I had an issue because I wasn't a behavioral problem. Even though it was I was antsy it was almost physically painful to sit for long periods of time. I still managed, you know, so difficulty sitting well, no, I I I said I do what I'm supposed to do, you know, but definitely the talking was if you look at my report cards, it's well Melody's you know, very creative, she's very intelligent, but she talks too much, and she distracts the other kids. And they would always put my, my desk out in the hallway. Yeah. Same for by the teacher, or I like I would bring. And I've heard this with a lot of people on your podcast, like making friendship bracelets and selling them, or I would buy candy at wholesale costs, you know, from Sam's, and then I would sell them for five cents apiece, you know, and I would distract the class in that way. Because while we were all trying to learn or while other people were trying to learn something I had already figured out, you know, I was bored, I would be sitting there selling candy in the middle of class or asking them what color they wanted their friendship bracelet to be, or whatever the case may be. And it was always an issue. But that didn't raise any red flags for anyone apparently, you know, I've made a long list here. And I've probably already talked my way through the whole list without even looking at it. But my mom would put tights on me and say, I don't know if this is this hypersensitivity thing. I don't I haven't decided that that's, I don't know if you can definitively say it. That's an ADHD thing. To have an issue like with clothing, like my mom would put tights on me. I hated them. It would make me almost nauseous. That feeling of it on my legs. I would take them off and stuff them in my lunchbox as soon as I got out of out of the car and got inside, I'd run to the bathroom, take them off and stuff and then my lunchbox and those stupid tights came home in my lunchbox every single day. And I couldn't wear jeans until I kind of was forced to eventually I guess somewhere around high school age. But prior to that shorts, and after school, I was running around in a bathing suit. We lived on a lake. And so when I came home, I threw out my bathing suit. I went outside. I played outside, went swimming in the lake, swaying on my on my swing, listening to wham, on a cassette over and over and over and over and over again. Just weird little quirks like that. Like I did the same thing later with the Golden Girls. I would play it nonstop in the background. Like all the time I could probably tell you every every single word to every point, you know and rearranging my furniture. When I was a kid in the middle of the night I would stay up and I would go on This rampage of just my bed, you know, is over here, it's going to be against that other wall in the morning, you know, when my mom finally comes in, and I'm finally passed out, but moving all of the furniture around constantly, I did it probably once a month, I got tired of things being the same, but so many weird little quirks like that.

Katy Weber 25:20
It is so amazing to me, because it's really this so beautifully describes that feeling of like, every thing I did, is explained somehow, as an ADHD trait. It's like, there is no me without ADHD. So, uh, yeah, I love all of this. Right?

Melody Hubert 25:39
So you know, where does the ADHD end and you're just your personality begin, like, I don't know that I can figure that out. So my mom and my dad had very keen observations about me, but no one put it together with ADHD. So my, my dad always said, Melody, you're brilliant, but you have no stick to itiveness I did so many different things, but I could not stick to anything for long at all. And, you know, he wanted me like I played tennis. For a long time. I guess I started about five years old and played through middle school, high school. But even then, I never had the drive, like a lot of people do to like, really perfect it and get really good. You know, I probably could have been amazing. If I had done that. And that's kind of where the regret piece I feel like comes in. Like, I feel like if I had just tried a little harder. Same thing with my grades, you know, I'm gradually graduated high in my class, but I wasn't. I wasn't the valedictorian. You know what I mean? Could I have been if I had actually applied myself as they say, because everything was procrastinating, I would wait till the very end the night before pull an all nighter. And of course, things would go wrong, you know, and then it's like, Oh, crap, well, now I need something that I didn't know, I needed, like the printers out of ink, or whatever the case may be. And now I'm really in trouble. And it took me a really long time to kind of find a workaround for that. But my mom would tell me that. She would say once I learned to do something, you never want to do it again. She said that to me all the time. And, you know, well, yeah. So it was the same thing with drawing. I did a lot of artwork growing up. And some of my co are not coworkers. But my peers at school wanted to buy some of my artwork. And my mom said, Absolutely not. She said you can you can sell one when you make two of them. When you have one, and you make a second one exactly like it, then you can sell one of them. But you're going to hold on to the original one you did, like Oh, mama, who the heck wants to do the same piece of artwork twice. That's ridiculous, like, but my mom didn't understand it all. But she wanted me to hold on everything. I'm like, No. And my mom always said, like, my sister is 15 years older than I am. And my sister would get very upset because I had a major bad attitude when I would come home from school. And I overheard my mom many times kind of like sticking up for me and saying, well, she's had a hard day. And she's, she can't take it out on anybody at school. So she takes it out on me when she comes home. And it's like, my mom understood that that was the situation, but no one could figure out that there was an actual issue, you know, underlying that. That's

Katy Weber 28:27
so interesting, you know, again, it's like the the sticking to itiveness that so many of us were criticized about not having, you know, and how many of us have that, that difficulty with like the last 5% of any project, or, you know, getting to that finish line, it's just not important to us, like finishing isn't interesting. And I find that so fascinating, right? Because it's like with all the hobbies, that we take up all the things we learn all the things we get excited about. That's the interesting part. So like, why have we decided that finishing is so important? And I think like so much of those things are about framing, right? Like I was the same way I couldn't hold down a job for longer than two years. But I'm still that way, right? And so it's like, just the phrasing, you can't hold down a job. It's so negative. And yet, like all it is, is really just wanting a new experience every couple of years and wanting a change. And like when did we decide that having a job for a long period of time was the you know, the morals superiority like?

Melody Hubert 29:34
Exactly well, and I mean, I remember in high school, saying to my dad, you know, there was a class that I didn't want to take, I don't remember what it was now and he said, melody you you need all of these classes to be a well rounded person. Well, guess what? I have done that. I mean, I have a list of probably, you know, 50 different hobbies that I've dropped a considerable amount of money to start on and learn and do something with them. Then eventually leave it to go do something else. I've had enough education at this point, I could have been a doctor, unfortunately, not that I could handle that, you know, I look at what the doctors do that I work with. And they're, they're working kind of around the clock. And it's all the time. I don't think I would want to do that anyway. I mean, right now, I was working full time, my mom was not doing so great. She had oral cancer had to have half of her tongue removed. And my brother in law has colon cancer. And it has now gone through his peritoneum and his abdominal cavity, and he's gone through two rounds of chemo. The last chemo didn't really it wasn't showing any improvement. So they took him off of that. And now he is going to be starting immunotherapy, we go on Thursday about that. But if I were a doctor, I wouldn't be able to just say, Okay, well, I'm not going to do my full time job anymore. I'm going to, you know, just kind of grab chips when it suits me, which is what I'm doing. Now, I have gotten a job with three different companies, I grab shifts to cover people when they're out. And I mean, it has created a little bit of a pay cut, because obviously, I'm not working as many hours. But I'm able to get enough to get by, and I can still be here for my mom and my brother in law and everyone else in my family. And so I feel like that's worth a lot. So that's what I chose to do. It's not that I couldn't hold a full time job is that I didn't see that the extra income from the full time position warranted, you know, it wasn't worth what I was giving up. So because my mom and my brother in law, both don't really have a whole lot of medical understanding or verbiage, you know, their vocabulary with medical stuff, they're very, they are confused easily. And so it's good to be able to go with them to these doctor's appointments and understand what the doctor is telling them and kind of tell it to them the way that they need to hear it so that they understand and so that I remember for them, you know, or take down notes, what the doctor said with, you know, all of that kind of stuff. So it's really helpful for me not to be working a paid job full time, let me tell you, I'm working full time hours. It's just not at a paid job.

Katy Weber 32:18
Yeah, I wonder how many choices we've made in our lives like that, that are really come from a sense of altruism. And you know, like, yes, we always talk about being people pleasers, but a lot of the time, we have incredible amounts of empathy. And so so so a lot of those decisions are putting others we love first, right? Whether it comes to our partners, like you said, like making decisions so that your partner's happy, we do that a lot of the time, because it in, in many ways also makes us happy. But then we feel like, we also have put ourselves last all the time so that we have self worth issues. So it's like it's really complicated and complex. But I think that there's like a lot of those situations where we make decisions. And I think the idea like you were just the way you were explaining, like having these different part time jobs that are all going to have give you a more flexible schedule, so that you can take care of your mom and your brother, like all of that makes perfect sense. In the moment, you know, if somebody else was looking at that and said, Oh, Melody can't hold down a full time job. Look, here she is cobbling together a bunch of jobs. And like, it's just it's so much of it is about how we look at those choices. And so I'm glad you're able to kind of talk yourself through like, yes, these were all very meaningful choices I made in my life. And every choice is going to have a pro and a con. And there's, there's a we're always going to have that what if but I think you know, at the end of the day, I think we probably make a lot more really smart decisions that that we give ourselves credit for.

Melody Hubert 33:52
Yeah, well, and I think too, that there is a need, like in my profession, X ray techs are desperately needed, especially here in Florida, I could have probably more than full time hours if I wanted them working PRN because everybody just needs Tech's right now. And when I talk to people who are working full time at these places, 95% of them say oh my god, I could never do that. You know, I've got different logins at every place. One of the places the password has to be 13 characters long, at least. And so keeping track of my logins, the door codes are different at every place. Their procedures for patient movement through them is different. The number of views and the kind of views for each x ray that you're supposed to get are different depending on the doctor depending on the company. And it's it's a lot to kind of keep track of, but it's enough of a challenge I have found to actually keep me pretty happy. But most people say they could never do it. They're like, Oh God, nah, they want to come in. They want a predictable schedule they know They coming in, they know what they're dealing with, they want to not have surprises. And I kind of thrive on it. As a matter of fact, this should have probably told me something. Because I know with COVID You know, most, a lot of people were kind of diagnosed because of the dysfunction during COVID. For me, it was the opposite because I graduated with my radiologists, or radiologic, technologist license and degree and everything in December of 2019. I was hired at a hospital in February of 2020. And my orientation was March 17, of 2020. And it was like I actually it was a two day orientation. My second day was the first one cancelled because of the no groups of 10 or more rule. And so I was out on my own, like trying to figure all this stuff out, you know, like the PPE thing that we all had to go through. Nobody knew proper PPE donning and doffing at the hospital because you didn't have to do it very often. And then, you know, in school, it was like, Oh, this is just for the rare TB patient. Well, little did we know what was going to happen. Every day was different. When I came into that hospital, and I was working. In the beginning, I was PRN, but I was getting more than full time hours, I was getting a lot of overtime, because there was a hiring freeze right after COVID started. And I was the last person hired before the hiring freeze for the radiology department at the hospital. And every day, it was different. We didn't know what the new mandates were going to be about the masks, there were shortages of everything, the gowns, the masks, the shields, the everything, there was a shortage constantly. I wasn't even fully fit tested for my mask, we went with just like yeah, you're probably a medium when you put it on blow up blow download each side. And if no air comes out, then exercise, there was no legitimate mask testing or fit testing when I got there, because they couldn't afford to waste masks like that. We did, they had to hold on to every mask they had. So everything kept changing, we were changing the kinds of masks we were using, they were kept behind lock and key, it was really stimulating, because it was always changing. And I thrived. I was doing really well. And it was straight out of school and the number of chest X rays in a typical, I mean, you figure all of these patients that were in ICU who were intubated, I would have to go up and you know, put the board under their back to X ray them. It was really, really laborious work. And nonstop, I mean, I would take off with the portable machine from the, you know, the portable X ray machine from the department. And I'd be gone for like three hours, just X ray, chest X ray after chest X ray after chest X ray, for the most part, and then I'd come back to the department get something to drink. And like often just head right back out again. And you know, as an as a RadTech. I would also operate the CRM in the AOR for surgeries and stuff like that. There was one particular time that a patient coded on the table in the O R, and I had a student with me, and he was operating the CRM and I was like, well back the CRM out, you got it, we got a problem here. And we had to do CPR on that patient. And I have never been more focused in my whole life than in that chaos, when you know, all these nurses are coming in, and they're bringing in the defibrillator. And a lot was going on, but it was like my brain was more clear than it had ever been. That should have really been a tip off. Because nobody else had that kind of feeling about it. You know, I

Katy Weber 38:55
know, right? And like in the moment, you're like, why would it be a tip off? That's just how I work best. And now you're like, oh, yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. How did you like your nervous system must have been through the roof during that time. How did you like decompress? Because I feel like that's something that a lot of us struggle with, which is like getting ourselves, you know, we really thrive in those high stress situations. And there's no you know, it makes sense why there's so many people with ADHD in the medical field, especially nursing. But burnout is a very, very real side effect of operating on that kind of frequency.

Melody Hubert 39:33
Yeah, I I tried many different things. You know, like I said, at the time, I was PRN, and then eventually they hired me as full time. When I went full time. Things were a little bit more predictable because I knew I was working 312 hour shifts. So I worked Sunday, Monday, Tuesday. And because it was those three days in a row by the end of my shift on Tuesday. I really did need all of Wednesday to recover. And you know, coming in, and once again, not knowing what normal is in a hospital, because COVID was my first experience at a hospital. So I didn't know what their normal situation was, this is all I know, looking back on it now, because I still work in a hospital and other places, it definitely was like at another level that most people don't ever have to deal with or never will, again, hopefully, that level of constant going, I would get over 20 20,000 steps a day, while I was working there. I also and it's counterintuitive, and I don't know if everyone's like this, but I would wake up at 330 in the morning and go for a run. And I would make sure that I had my my smoothie, like to center myself in the morning before I would go in. And you know, I told the psychiatrist when when we were discussing treatment, I said honestly, of everything that any doctor has ever given me any ever prescribed me any kind of medication, none of it ever worked. And what has worked far better is exercise and eating non processed foods. That's helped me more than anything. And I knew that before I was ever diagnosed, that that made a huge impact on how I felt and my behavior and everything else. But that's pretty much you know, like I said, Wednesday, all day, I just discounted it. It that was my recovery day. And making sure I took care of myself and that morning from 330 to like, five, that was my time. Because there was no way I was getting any time the rest of the day.

Katy Weber 41:41
Wow. So interesting. And I completely agree. I think that even and it doesn't have to be like a 5k run are going to a hit class or anything. I just feel the biggest difference in my cognitive abilities come when I have like done something to elevate my heart rate in the morning, whatever that is. And yeah, I think that works for me works better than any medication I've tried so far. Yeah.

Melody Hubert 42:08
And yoga to yoga is phenomenal. And if I took the amount of time out of the day that I would like to do, you know, to take to exercise. And I mean, I would ideally spend about an hour or two every day because it makes I'm no happier anywhere than when I'm on the yoga mat. But trying to find the time has proven difficult, especially when we tend to over commit. Yeah.

Katy Weber 42:38
You know, I think a lot of us were drawn to yoga as well, because we it's like we intuitively knew that meditation and mindfulness was really, really important for our nervous systems. But we also knew that we couldn't sit still. And so you know, because like the perfect tool for people with ADHD, because it gets you to that meditative state, but you're still in a flow and you're still moving. I'm like, that's another one where I'm like, teachers, nurses, and yoga instructors seem to be like the most common people I meet in terms of, you know, adult diagnosis being like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Mm

Melody Hubert 43:12
hmm. No, and I was a teacher before I did this. I was a math teacher for four years. And oh,

Katy Weber 43:17
yeah, that's right. Yeah, your your resume definitely has ADHD all over it. That's funny.

Melody Hubert 43:25
It does. I don't know how I escaped. Anyone knowing, you know, or maybe everyone, like I said, Just thought I already knew and didn't bother to say anything, because it was so obvious. I don't know. Well,

Katy Weber 43:36
that's, I'm curious with your kids. Your son was diagnosed, but what about your daughter? Do you think she has it? Can we even or if you don't want to talk about that's fine. But I'm curious, like, have you had this conversation with them about ADHD in the family? Because I know, you know, we sit around and we diagnose all of our family members.

Melody Hubert 43:51
What everyone I get along with. I mean, it's funny because I almost feel like if I hit it off with someone, you probably should go get checked, because you probably have it too. Because it's like, I'm just fast friends with so many people but my daughter is tired to hearing it. I think I don't think she thinks she has it. I think she does. But because she's rather successful at the moment. I think it's not hurting her enough to to really care or to investigate it. Because she she ended up working in health care through one of my employers, they had a program and so it was a awesome program just took her in and paid for everything. And she's a medical assistant now and they're paying for college. So it kind of gave her the push that I think I did not have and my son does not have he lives with my mom right now. And he kind of can't figure things out either. He's stuck. He's paralyzed with indecision, doesn't know what he wants to do kind of jumps all over the place. And yeah, he already had his first appointment today with a psychiatrist that I said you really need to Go. And so, like I said he was diagnosed, I think he was probably he was in second grade, whatever age that is. And he was put on Vyvanse and got facial tics. And so they told me it could be permanent, even if we stopped him on it. And I thought, Oh, crap, so let's stop him on it because I feel like I was medicating him for selfish reasons. Just because he it was crazy to try to teach him with him. The way that he was just so distractible, and throwing tantrums every time, you know, I would say, well, you need to do your 20 minutes of reading, you know what, whatever it was, you know, it was just a fight. But then I took him off of that and said, No, I'll just wait and see if he decides he wants to go on it. Because I was just scared of side effects with him at that point. But oh, my god, the familial component. I've I've told both of them. If you didn't have it, it would be more of a miracle. Because everyone in my family I mean, I look back at my father, there is no doubt that man had ADHD and probably his mother. So my grandmother, left, she divorced. My dad's dad, married someone else. And now you can imagine how long ago this was. I mean, my dad, if he had lived would have been 80 something now. So this was a long time ago, this woman left her husband married someone else, then divorced that man and went back and married my my grandfather again. And that was really not. I mean, shoot, most people would think that's not normal. Now, let alone way back then. My My great aunt, definitely. I think she was diagnosed bipolar. But I wouldn't doubt it if she had ADHD and just was kind of misdiagnosed because she definitely, I guess, I even never even met her. But from what I understand, she definitely self medicated a lot. My aunt, same thing. She definitely was addicted to lots of things and was my most fun, relative. So that kind of tells me you know, I mean, I had a great time with her. But my dad, he quit his job, like in the middle of the day came home. I was just like, Yep, I'm done. And my mom's like, what, you know, here's their with children, and they're struggling. And he just decided he was going to quit his job. He would do a lot of different hobbies, I guess they bought like, Angel Fish they bought for Angel fishing, or maybe six, I don't know, and ended up with two pairs of mates out of that. And they had baby angel fish. And so pretty soon my mom said, every wall in their house was lined with aquariums, and he was selling Angel Fish, he had a job. And when he would go out on his job, he would do his side hustle of selling angel fish to pet stores while he was out. I mean, does this not scream ADHD to you? Then he went to kite making, he made kites and then he was a pilot. And my dad certainly had the the attitude that if you're going to do something, do it. Right. Which, if that's not I mean,

Katy Weber 48:17
I think I'm so many of us who are is that similar, you know, just have so many passions, and so many things pulling us in so many directions, and just that childlike enthusiasm and curiosity. And yet, like, it's so wonderful to think of, and yet in ourselves, we struggle so much with how people roll their eyes, or you know, or you're too much, or you're not enough, like, it's just so colossally sad at how so many of these wonderful qualities that so many of us possess just ended up turning us into such depressed adults, I just, sometimes I just get so overwhelmed sometimes, how sad it is, that so many wonderful people end up like this. And you know, it's funny, because you were when you were talking about your daughter, you know, like, one of the things so both my kids were diagnosed after me, but my husband is one of the ones who like we've been together 22 years now. And like I cannot for the life of me decided he has ADHD or not, because there's so many things that he has very similar qualities about but he also is a white male, who has basically had secretaries me, his mom, you know, like, he's never really had to struggle in the way that so many of us had. And so I'm like, is the ADHD the struggle part? Is that the part of us that's like, really, you know, because if you pathologized if you're pathologizing it, then yes, it is like the degree to which your life is impaired. And so if somebody has all these qualities, but they're just going around life being like, I'm great, what's the big deal then? Technically, it's not ADHD, right? And that's the moment where I'm like so then what are we talking about there? And you know, we have those neuro spicy or whatever the term is that you want to come up with it, but that's where I get really confused. It was because I'm like, are we still talking about? Is it still ADHD? If your life's great, and you have no problems, right?

Melody Hubert 50:07
Well, if our if our environment molded to us, obviously, we wouldn't have a problem. And honestly, I think the same thing you could have just been describing my husband, honestly, because one of the reasons I think that we work so beautifully together, I mean, I've been with him now for 12 years. And, you know, three years in with my ex husband, I wanted to kill him and hang myself, it was it was terrible. With my husband, though, we are so well suited for each other, and he plans things nonstop. And he also has the adage of, if you're gonna do something, just do it, right. And like if he gets a new passion, like clay shooting, next thing, you know, we're driving three hours away to go to a special place so that we can find the exact right gun and did it. So I have also said, Well, gee, is it possible that he could have it but regardless, because he says absolutely not. But at the same time, like you said, he has me doing everything for him. And if I ever complain about this, he says, Well, I already told you everybody should have a melody. Yeah, he's got me. He's got me doing everything for him. So I'm like, well, crap, I guess if I were in his shoes, and I wasn't brought up in the same society, you know, that's telling me what I should be doing as a woman, then maybe I would be really super successful. But yeah, he definitely keeps things changed up enough to where I'm never, like, he constantly supplies me with dopamine. You know, we're always going We're always having a good time. It's always something different every weekend, if he spends one day of a weekend at home, without something to do. He's grandly annoyed. Like sometimes, well, man, I do need to food prep, you know, I need to go to the grocery store, I need to do the laundry. But he know he wants to be go and go and go in all the time. So it's nice here, because we've got the theme parks. And you know, there are a lot of things to do here. So that's it's it works out. Thankfully, he's got the money to put that bill. I don't. Yeah, I mean, I've wondered about him. But there's no way he would never try to see about a diagnosis or or even admitted, even if he thought he I was right. He would never say yeah, you're right. No way. Oh,

Katy Weber 52:22
my God, oh, my husband's the same. It's the same. It's so funny. I can't he's gonna be so mad at me that I said that. But it's like, because those are those moments where I'm like, Well, what do you do you think that we're just a hot mess? Because, like, do you really, you know, it's like, I feel like the stereotype and the stigma of ADHD comes out when he's like, yeah, that's nice that you have no, I do not have it. Like, he won't even talk about it. He's like, I definitely don't have it. And I'm like, okay, but I'm the one who was always like, following him around, because he loses his glasses everywhere. And he never knows when his next dentist appointment and he doesn't know what's happening in the calendar. And I'm the one who's always like, you need a system, you need a system. And so you're like, both of those things scream ADHD, right, the person who's always losing things, and then the person who has a very rigid system for everything, because I've lost things my whole life. And so like both of those personality traits are, you know, competence, compensating for your ADHD?

Melody Hubert 53:17
Yes, well, that's what I feel like they need to tell people too, because when you look up, like the DSM criteria, and I mean, I took lots of psychology classes, I've taken probably four psychology classes, because I always found it extremely interesting. Honestly, they should screen people who take psychology classes and say, You know what, you may want to check yourself because it seems to be a common thread. But I've taken a lot of them. And back when it was the DSM four criteria, I would read through and like, yeah, none of that applies to me. But you know what, I would get to places an hour early. Who the heck does that? You know, but it was that was my failsafe to make sure because I knew. And in talking to my husband recently, I was like, Okay, so on certain days when I go to this place, you know, if I go to the hospital, I'm not going to do my hair that day, because it's going to be in a scrub cap anyway, who cares? And so that takes 15 minutes off of the time that it takes me to get ready in the morning. So then, you know, but when I go there, I have to leave half an hour earlier than going anywhere else. So that actually means that that's 15 minutes earlier anyway that I have to get up. He's like you're making this way too complicated. Why don't you just figure out the earliest time you have to get up, get up at that time every day. And then if you have a little extra time, that's good, right? You don't it doesn't matter that you can sit around and relax. And I'm like, Yeah, you don't understand if I relax, my brain is going to get involved with something because I have to fill every minute of every day. So if my brain gets involved, then I'll end up being late and that is a common theme in my life. Anytime. I have had extra time and I should have been more than on time. I should have been early. I've ended up being late. Whereas if I call it kind of down to the wire, I'm on time, you know, accidents. I had a car accident where I was at a stop sign I left plenty early. I was supposed to get there it was for a teacher's workshop. My eta was like half an hour at least before I needed to be there. I was in plenty of time. But I came up to the stop sign and I looked to my left and there's a car coming but he has his right turn blinker on and he's slowing down. So I think clearly this man intends to turn where I'm, it was the only place to turn in any visible, you know, distance from where I was sitting. So clearly he's turning. So I go ahead and start going and he changed his mind plowed right into the side of me. Didn't even like started speeding back up again. He was slowing down it was going to turn but changed his mind. He hit me when the when the cops showed up on the scene, and was talking to each of us about you know what happened. The police said, Were you in a hurry? I'm like, No, I really wasn't. There was no reason why I wouldn't have just waited to make sure that this guy was turning. There was absolutely no reason. But there's something like in me, that kind of makes me a little impatient. And I know what that is now but my another car accident I've had two car accidents that that were partially at least my fault. That was one of them. The other one was 100% my fault we were I was taking a friend back home from Gainesville I was I was in college at the time driving 75 miles an hour down i 75. This was back before we had GPS though, you know GPS will reroute you if you miss your exit. But it didn't have that at the time. So I was getting off at this exit. I knew what the exit looked like they had been doing construction there. They finished up the construction and everything was all put back together. And there was landscaping and stuff. It was gorgeous. Like oh crap, that's my exit. And so I look to make sure I'm in the center lane here. Look to make sure there was no one in the right lane that I would be cutting off and by the time and there wasn't anyone there. But by the time I looked and you know, I was almost past the exit. So I ended up driving practically perpendicular across the exit fishtail lost control of the car because I overcorrected. And flipped my car into a ditch, thank God, five minutes before this accident, I told my friend to put her seatbelt on because she never put her seatbelt on ever, ever, ever. But you know, that was one more instance were impulsive, you know, impulsive and impatient and just drive to the next exit. But I didn't, again, didn't have GPS then. So I really wasn't familiar with where the next exit was, or whatever, how I would go that way. Certainly, the ADHD played into that too. And thank God, nothing happened to my friend. Nothing happened to me. I mean, except, you know, chronic neck issues now. But you know, we both lived, but so many things like that could have been prevented. Had I known way earlier. You know, I picked up a hitchhiker one time with that same friend in the car with that same friend in the car, and she freaked out. Oh, she she let me have it later. I don't even know what would possess me to do something like that. We were like, 18 Why would I do that? Cuz you

Katy Weber 58:18
saw somebody standing on the side of the road? And you're like, I gotta help them. Yes. The turn signal what I find interesting, too, because first of all, in Central Florida, chances are it's just an old person who's left their church cycle on doesn't even realize it right. Like, that's what I would think. The

Melody Hubert 58:34
other possibility it was a car full, or a truck full of Mexicans who spoke no English, and had no insurance. Because

Katy Weber 58:43
I was like, I feel like there's so many instances where somebody would have the turn signal out and not realize it. But you know, that's such a good example of where you're like, Well, why didn't I just wait for the car to leave. And there's like this insatiable drive for efficiency that comes with ADHD, which is like, it's not necessarily impatient. It's like a weird kind of efficiency. And what as you were talking, it was reminding me of this thing I do with my fridge, which is like, so I opened the fridge on my fridge door has the ding now to let you know, the door is open. And I play this little game when I opened my fridge, which is like, I'm going to pull something out of the fridge and I'm going to try to use it and get it back in the fridge before the ding goes off. Rather than just shut the door and then reopen the door and close it again. And so like one time my husband would came along and he shut the you know, he came into the kitchen and I was making a salad or something and like madly trying to get all the ingredients together before the thing happened. And he came along and shut the door and I got mad and I was like, like He ruined my game. And he was like, Well, why would you leave the fridge door open? Like you're letting out cold air and I was like I know but I was trying to like as I was trying to explain this ridiculous game I had play. I was like how do you even explain that other than just to know that this is like there's an efficiency To only opening the door once and closing the door once that I was like desperate to not do it twice. And I felt so absurd at that moment, but I was like anyone with ADHD will understand that story. Because we do these things to like, minimize effort in the weirdest, inexplicable way. And that's what I thought when you were when you were like, of course, I'm going to turn it

Melody Hubert 1:00:22
on in ways that it actually causes more effort.

Katy Weber 1:00:25
Yeah, exactly. Right. Because I mean, I

Melody Hubert 1:00:28
certainly I was thinking about it today, because I was actually thinking about the podcast earlier when I was getting out of the car because I was, you know, I was thinking what I had to do today, and I thought, you know, this is a perfect example, I had my tea travel mug, my empty cup that I had my smoothie in my big water bottle. And as I was picking it up, my my thought process was make one trip into the house. I'm gonna grab everything in one trip. I was just gonna

Katy Weber 1:00:55
say it's the it's the multiple trips are for sissies mentality with groceries. Right?

Melody Hubert 1:01:00
Yeah. Which is probably why so many things around me get damaged. You know, I drop them. And I don't necessarily learn I'm trying. I'm trying now that I realized that these are my compulsions, I'm trying to be aware of them and like kind of talk myself off the ledge melody, leave it there, you can come back in a minute and get it. It's really, who cares if you get an extra, you know, 100 steps today? That's a good thing, you know? But yeah, it's definitely that's how I ended up breaking things and hurting myself and trying to do too much too fast. I've got a burn on my arm from yesterday, trying to be quick in the kitchen, or missing

Katy Weber 1:01:37
the exit. Yeah. Right. The example of fixing this and were you like, I could have probably just taken the next one and been five minutes late. But now Yeah. Ah, I feel like I could use examples for the next few hours. This has been so interesting. Oh, my God, I feel like people who are listening to this podcast right now are probably getting whiplash from nodding their heads along with this. There's so many really good ones with this. Would you call ADHD something else? I'm just wondering if it's like something to do with like insatiable drive for efficiency or something? I don't know. But have you heard any other names for it that you like? Or is there something you would call it?

Melody Hubert 1:02:16
I have not? I? Well, for one thing, I think that we need to just simply maybe keep the name for simplicity's sake. But I have a public service announcement that goes out like there needs to be a commercial, maybe on particular things. Maybe we could do research and find out what kind of shows most women with ADHD like to watch and we put the commercial there? I don't know. But definitely, it would have been helpful if someone had given me actual, reliable symptoms to kind of grab on to and say, oh, yeah, being there too early could be assigned to. If we had to change the name, I think I would change it to SAS, it'd be S A S S. And that would be scattered and spectacular syndrome. Oh, for one thing, plenty of people would be going and looking for a diagnosis of this because it sounds so cool. But certainly everyone I meet, you know, and this is what I started to say earlier, and then totally got sidetracked. My husband watches TV. So you know, you've watched America's Got Talent. It doesn't really hold my interest. It does. I can't watch anything for very long, but he has that on and I was looking at the panel of judges. So you've got Howie Mandel. He's a pretty interesting person. So I look him up. Sure enough, he's got ADHD, then you look at the next one, Heidi. Okay. Okay. I don't know that Heidi is is in my mind. I mean, I'm sure she's a great person, but I don't feel like she's someone I get along with. Let's put it that way. She does not have it. But then Melby Okay. Melby. And I could kick it any day of the week. And so I looked her up, and I'm like, holy crap, she's

Katy Weber 1:04:03
got it, too. It's so true. Oh, my God, this is so true. So

Melody Hubert 1:04:08
I feel like spectacular is is a thing that runs in all of us, every woman that I listen to on your podcast, they're all flippin amazing. And there are people that I feel like it'd be really fun at parties. So that would be my my word for it. But on a serious note, you're familiar with Myers Briggs, right? I feel like we should have some kind of multi dimensional, you know, because we're all on a spectrum somewhere. And not just a two dimensional spectrum, but like a three dimensional spectrum. We all fall in there somewhere. And I feel like there needs to be a name for these axes. Like, maybe one axis is impulsivity and another, you know, whatever. And I feel like we should, all based on our brain type fall in a particular place in that sense. space and that spectrum, where, you know, just like with Myers Briggs, your like E and TP, or whatever that describes your personality. And honestly, it would be kind of interesting to see if certain Myers Briggs types, I forget what you call them now. But if certain ones are typical of ADHD, people, you know what I mean. But I feel like that way, it's not like, Okay, you're you have this disorder, it's just this is your brain type. And these are everyone else's brain types. And we're all different. And were in that broad spectrum. Do you fall because I mean, ADHD, even people with ADHD, no two of us are exactly the same. So I feel like there should be more of a, of just kind of a categorizing brain types in general, instead of like labeling something as being not normal. Because what's what's normal? That is brilliant. I

Katy Weber 1:05:56
love that, right? I've always said, like, if you've consistently said the words, what is wrong with me? Do you want to look into a diagnosis. And I also feel like anyone who talks about their brain in the third person should look into a diagnosis, because that's one thing I noticed in college, so many of us talk about our brain, like, it's a separate entity, like it's this, this roommate that we sometimes we get along with, but sometimes, you know, spends our rent money and sleeps in too late and, or keeps us up, right. But that idea that it's like, you feel like you're separate from your brain feels like that's a pretty big indicator that you might want to look into this. But I love the idea of the different personality categories. That's brilliant. I

Melody Hubert 1:06:40
have talked to so many women, though, just in the last two months, because you figure, I do come across a lot of people in the course of a day doing what I do. And if I really hit it off with someone, I will tell them, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. And these are the traits that I apparently have that would indicate a diagnosis is in order. And it's kind of like a hint, hint, because I see it in people a lot. A lot. It's unbelievable. I mean, it almost makes me wonder if we're the normal ones. And we've just we've been the silent majority. whole lives, you know, but I see it everywhere. For sure. Oh,

Katy Weber 1:07:21
well, this was awesome. Thank you so much melody, this is a I love chatting with you. I really feel like we probably like with many of my guests. I feel like I probably could chat with you for hours and hours. So thank you so much for your time. And yeah, this is great. Thank

Melody Hubert 1:07:36
you. Thank you so much for having me, it was really a lot of fun. I wish I could have stayed on topic a little better, but I feel like the listeners will understand.

Katy Weber 1:07:45
I was gonna say, if anything, this podcast listeners are always along for the ride. And I love my favorite guests, as I've said before, but my favorite guests, our listeners who are not along to the other guests and are just like, Ah, I want to share my story, right? Like, I want to share my story. It's cathartic. But also, you know, just to know that if there's something out there that people are looking for listening for that they'll see themselves and realize like, Hey, I might be what was it sensational and scattered and spectacular. And scattered and spectacular. Right? Be like there's nothing wrong with that, right?

Melody Hubert 1:08:23
Yes, certainly though. I my first podcast, the first podcast of yours that I listened to made me cry. And then after that other ones, I'm sure I was like, yes, yes. And I'm like pointing to the dashboard. And I'm sure people driving next to me because I have found that listening to the podcasts in the car while I'm driving keeps me patient. I can I can go like drive along in the right hand lane. And I don't get irritated because my mind is engaged enough that I'm not super impatient. So that's helped a lot too. But yeah, I'm sure other people in the other cars are looking at me like this lady must be on something or some She's talking to herself. But yeah, definitely. It has helped me a lot. So I appreciate you having me on. Well, that

Katy Weber 1:09:09
reminds me I wanted to want your have a gift for metaphor. And I really liked when you were talking about treading water and not realizing that some people are standing on a sandbar which I think is really, really poignant. But you also talked about feeling like you've been forced to live life underwater. And all the while being told that there's something wrong with me when I come up sputtering and gasping for air and now I realized I just needed scuba gear. I thought that was so good. I wanted to at least bring that up here on the podcast because I was like, Oh, I loved that. Well, and

Melody Hubert 1:09:44
I think it comes probably for a lot of us from trying to explain ourselves to people. You're searching desperately for some way to get people to understand. And so I think a lot of us have a real gift for metaphors. But yeah, I definitely feel like you know you wouldn't say that someone is that there's something wrong with someone because they don't have gills view would just say, you know, if you want to go there and you want to live in that environment or you know, there's a place down in South Florida where you can actually swim underwater and there's like an under underwater like, place to stay like a hotel where you scuba to it and stay in this hotel, which I think would be amazing to do. That's going to be my next thing. I'm going to have to get a scuba license or whatever, but our certification, but you would never say that to anybody, you would never try to say that just because you don't adapt well, in this particular environment. There's something wrong with you. And that's definitely what I felt like my whole life like nothing was, I was never good enough. I mean, everything that you've always said already said a million times, I just needed the right tools, in my case that largely has medication. And which I'm out of right now, because I was really hoping I'd have it for this particular podcast. But yeah, I'm out of because nobody, well, my insurance company was having a hard time getting it at first because I gotta get it through mail order. And then they said I'm only allowed one tablet per day. Which my doctor has said, No, I do better splitting the dose and having an XR tablet in the morning and an XR tablet like at lunchtime. It keeps me more stable throughout the whole day. But the insurance is fighting the doctor on it and saying like, it's not a milligram issue. It's a number of tablets issue, which is bizarre to me.

Katy Weber 1:11:31
I can't get medication either i and I've been I did get some that I had been was rationing and now my daughter's out. And so I've been giving her mind because she needs it for her tests as God, that's a whole other episode. Anyway, but what you were talking about, it reminded me of Jessica came from how to ADHD, which she did her TED Talk and she talked about the fish, you know, you don't measure a fish's ability to climb a tree or whatever, I'm butchering it. But that idea that like if a fish measured its worth on how much you know at how well it could climb a tree it would be miserable its whole life and and miss out on all of the amazing wonder and incredible pneus of being efficient swimming in the ocean. And so I think it's we have to find our, our oceans. Yeah.

Melody Hubert 1:12:24
And you know, another another metaphor that I have used to explain to people kind of what it felt like to me before I was diagnosed and didn't have the tools and didn't have the verbiage and you know, couldn't couldn't get a handle on anything, just constantly wondering what was wrong with me. It says if you're given a car, and the car randomly and without any kind of expectation accelerates, and brakes, and sometimes the steering works, and sometimes it doesn't yet you're told to get to a particular destination. That's what it feels like. Because then you know, the neurotypical counterparts are given cars that are predictable, and they work. So it's easy, you know, yeah, you just get in the car and you just drive it, you know, you want to go to the store, you know how to get there, you get in the car, you drive. It's different when you've got ADHD, because you never know. And I'm better able to understand now like what things produce dopamine, what things may help me in and listening to your podcasts. And some of the tips of, you know, like, the dopamine sandwich and stuff like that kind of has really helped me a lot. But when you're completely in the dark, you're just like, Why do I sometimes have drive? And why can I sometimes figure it out? And then other times I can't and it's so frustrating. So yeah, the diagnosis is huge. Even if you can't get medication, it's still huge, because you can, you know, the self talk you need, you can get therapy, you can figure out some life strategies. It's just it's a completely different. And honestly, I do I never before referred to my brain in the third person, but I do now. And I feel like that just by itself is helpful. Yeah, actually,

Katy Weber 1:13:59
you're right. That's so true. It's I think that helps us detach ourselves from the emotional overwhelm of some of these situations where we can really say like, look, that's not me. This is what my brain does. Because it's almost like talking to yourself, you know, when they say, like, talk to yourself, like you would to a friend and it's like, well, maybe this is our way of doing that by saying like, it's okay. It's just your brain.

Melody Hubert 1:14:22
Uh huh. Yeah, cuz I certainly could never talk to myself that way. before. I was very harsh to myself. I would never speak to a friend the way that I spoke to myself ever. But yeah, now it's very much like, Oh, I see. That's how your brain works. My brain does this. You know, this is how my brain works. My brain disappeared there for a second, can you can you explain that to me again, when it passed me one more time. You know,

Speaker 1 1:14:44
it's definitely helpful. It's useful in conversation. It's useful for self talk in every way. So

Katy Weber 1:14:51
So Well, thanks again, Melody. I know I keep keep going on and keeping you longer. This has been really great. I really appreciated it. So I Oh,

Speaker 1 1:15:00
I could talk all day. And I'm sure my family is great and glad for someone else distracting me for a little while. So awesome. All right, you have a good one. Thank you so much.

Katy Weber 1:15:17
There you have it. Thank you for listening. And I really hope you enjoyed this episode of the women and ADHD podcast. If you'd like to find out more about me and my coaching programs, head over to women and adhd.com If you're a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you'd like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit women and adhd.com/podcast guest and you can find that link in the episode show notes. Also, you know, we ADHD ears crave feedback. And I would really appreciate hearing from you the listener, please take a moment to leave me a review on Apple podcasts or audible. And if that feels like too much, and I totally get it. Please just take a few seconds right now to give me a five star rating or share this episode on your own social media to help reach more women who maybe have yet to discover and lean into this gift of nerd of urgency. And they may be struggling and they don't even know why. I'll see you next week when I interview another amazing woman who discovered she's not lazy or crazy or broken. But she has ADHD and she's now on the path to understanding her neuro divergent mind and finally using this gift to her advantage. Take care till then