Emily Weinberg: Self-concept & the power of reframing our ADHD [Top 10 Replay with Bonus Update]

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Welcome to the final installment of my special Top 10 Replay series, where I’m re-releasing 10 interviews that really stood out to me and have stayed with me in some particular way — either because of the topic, or the conversation, or the feedback I received from listeners. For various reasons, I’ve chosen 10 episodes that I feel deserve a replay — so maybe you missed this one the first time around you’ll get a chance to hear it, or if you listened to it when it originally aired, I hope you’ll enjoy listening to it again. 

This week I’m re-releasing my interview with Emily Weinberg, which originally aired as Episode 122 in January of 2023. This interview has been one of my most popular to date, and it’s a really good one! Emily and I talk about how lost and stuck we can feel and what it’s like to not even remotely feel close to having it all together.

Bonus Update:

Make sure to stick around because, at the end of the episode, I get a chance to check back in with Emily and find out what she’s been up to since we first spoke. Emily is now an ADHD coach herself and she shares some of the subtle shifts in her life that have led to significant change.

Website: linktr.ee/adhdwithemily

Instagram: @adhd.with.emily

Emily Weinberg 0:00
I can so distinctly remember what the beginning was like. And I and I appreciate that. Because it it's not so distant that I can't even remember being in a place. So it was such a hard time. But I'm getting further along to where like, the pieces are starting to come together. And it was hard to imagine that when I really just felt like I was like flailing and would never figure it out.

Katy Weber 0:38
Hello, and welcome to the women and ADHD podcast. I'm your host, Katy Weber. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 45. And it completely turned my world upside down. I've been looking back at so much of my life, school, jobs, my relationships, all of it with this new lens, and it has been nothing short of overwhelming. I quickly discovered I was not the only woman to have this experience. And now I interview other women who liked me discovered in adulthood they have ADHD and are finally feeling like they understand who they are and how to best lean into their strengths, both professionally and personally. Well, we did it. Here we are at the final installment of my special top Ted replay series, where I've been rereleasing 10 interviews that have really stood out to me and have stayed with me in some particular way since the beginning of this podcast. This week, I am re releasing my interview with Emily Weinberg, which originally aired as episode 122. In January of 2023. This interview with Emily has been one of my most popular to date, and it is a really good one, Emily and I talk about how lost and stuck we can often feel and what it's like to not even remotely feel close to having it all together with ADHD. And make sure to stick around because at the end of this episode, I get a chance to check back in with Emily and find out what she's been up to since we first spoke, Emily is now an ADHD coach herself, and she shares some of these subtle shifts in her own life that have led to significant change. And I'm excited to share that I've got some incredible brand new episodes ready to air so make sure to join me next week with all new interviews with amazing women with ADHD. But first let's wrap up my top 10 Replay series with episode 122 with Emily Weinberg. Emily is currently a stay at home mom of two four year olds, she was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. At the age of 36. Emily reached out to me and had this to say quote at the start of my diagnosis, while I loved listening to your show, sometimes it would actually make me feel a little worse about my own ADHD. While it's so great to listen to so many successful and inspiring women, I would sometimes think how are they all doing so well despite all these challenges we both face and I feel like I'm just flailing even some of them who had been diagnosed for just as long or less than me. Emily wanted to share her perspective as quote, the one who is also a bit lost in life and really trying to get a grip on her symptoms and self esteem while taking care of two toddlers and trying to figure out what she is doing with the rest of her life. It's really great listening to the women who have already risen and seemingly have it figured out. But sometimes it's also validating listening to the women who don't have it all figured out yet who are stuck in the muck right with them but are slowly beginning to find their way out of it through a coach and coaching program she has been in for two years now Emily has learned a tremendous amount about how her own brain works and how to begin embracing it. Coaching not only changed her life in the most impactful way, it also led her to discover her own passion for coaching. She recently began training to become an ADHD coach and she wants to give back to the ADHD community by educating, supporting and guiding other adults who suspect they have it for those who are diagnosed and ready to learn more about their ADHD. I have to say this has to be one of my favorite interviews I've done on this show. And I'm sure after you listen, you'll agree. So if you are out there and you're newly diagnosed and feeling like you will never get your shit together. I hope you'll listen to this conversation and find some solace and possibly some inspiration to Okay, enjoy. Hi, Emily, welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me.

Emily Weinberg 4:36
Thank you. I'm really excited that you are having me very nervous but very excited.

Katy Weber 4:42
Ah, well I hopefully you won't be nervous for long as we kind of hit the ground running. These are my favorite interviews are women who listened to the podcast and really kind of benefited from hearing the stories of other women and then really want to share your own story as you know to kind of pass on The torch and give back. So yeah, so why don't we start out with your diagnosis you were diagnosed a couple of years ago,

Emily Weinberg 5:07
I was I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago, July or June of 2021. I think as I became like, kind of a young adults, maybe college, but a little bit after college, people kind of joked with me a lot, that I had those kinds of ADHD tendencies of easily distracted, interrupting a lot losing focus. And I kind of laughed along with it and was like, that's just part of my personality, did not really think that I had ADHD, again, I like thinking back to my childhood. There were no real issues there. You know, I did find at school, I was a good kid. Nobody would have ever assumed that I had ADHD as a kid based on, you know, that kind of common knowledge of what it looks like. And so I kind of just took on that persona of a person who was like a little free spirited, and little flaky. And kind of thought, in the back of my head, well, like, this is ADHD, like, it's fine. It's not really affecting me so or it is but not in a not in a negative way, based on these characteristics that people are pointing out. When I graduated, I graduated from school of education, I didn't go into teaching, and that looking back had a lot to do with ADHD. I got a nanny job that I was, you know, after about two years, I was like, done, hopped into an early intervention job that my friend had been doing. And it was great for a while it was make your own schedule, it was new every day. But about two years in again, a little bit had to do with like a project that I was supposed to have been slowly accumulating over time. And I kind of wanted to get out before that had to be done. And then, you know, a little bit more nanny and whatnot. And then I finally got into teaching. And it like almost broke me. Basically, I was, from an outsider's perspective, are really great teacher, I was really good with the kids. I taught effectively. And behind the scenes. I was like such a mess. I couldn't get anything organized. I couldn't plan more than a day in advance. And I just felt like such a fraud, because I was kind of highly regarded at this school as being a good teacher. And to me, I was like, Oh my God, if only they knew how messy and confused and kind of like grasping at things I really am. But I stuck with that for five and a half years. And, you know, everybody says your first year is crazy. And then it kind of. And yes, my first year was crazy. But it never got easier from the sense of like getting my flow. Like I never planned, they never just kind of happened every year was new. So this is an interesting tidbit. My wife and I actually got pregnant at the same time, which is a whole other story. But so we had our son and our daughter a week apart. So then motherhood came. And I loved it. At first I got bored a little bit in I had a hard time doing anything else besides taking care of these babies. And about when they were around a year, I started going to therapy because I was like I'm not doing as well as I thought I would be doing I was so excited to be a mom. I thought you know, after all my years working with kids and nannying and all this like this would be it this would kind of come naturally to me. And I just was like flailing. So isn't therapy for a while pandemic, pandemic made things a whole lot worse. And then this very random comment by somebody I had connected with through Instagram because she and her wife had also carried babies at the same time and you make those weird connections, you know, had like, posted some question about Christmas decorations and have you put yours down, yada yada. And I kind of rambled back to her this whole reason why ARs are put away but because my wife likes things put away and if it was up to me, they'd be up till April and then I gave this whole thing. And she just responded being like, you have ADHD because I was a very ADHD response. And I was like, that's weird. No, but that's weird. And like that set me off on the tailspin. I have learning and being like, What? What? That that's ADHD, oh my god, this and then learning about the executive functioning. Oh, sorry. And this is a little side note, one of my best friends. Also, very similar to me, we joke we have the same brain was diagnosed with ADHD. And after she was she kept on being like, you gotta you gotta go get diagnosed, or like, I really think you have it. And I had somewhere seeing this thing about like, executive functioning disorder. And so I kind of came back with her like, I think I actually have executive functioning disorder like that, that seems to make more sense like that the hyperactivity thing, the like, run by a motor like, I don't that but executive functioning disorder like that I get. So then when I found out that that's a majority of ADHD, I was like, oh, okay, that makes more sense now. And learning about inattentive instead of hyperactive like that is me with my brain just constantly going, but I'm not very hyperactive, myself outwardly. So after looking into it, and doing binging on some podcasts, and being like, Okay, this is this actually explains everything. I got a referral from my therapist. I had to wait four months for the for an evaluation, which felt like forever, but I know now listening is not that long in the ADHD world. I finally had the appointment. I you know, I had been like that waiting for like four months for this appointment. I had all my notes written on paper. I had talked to my dad about my childhood, I had filled out like, these booklets that I printed off line where I filled them out, my wife filled them out. And like I was like, in it. And it was a telehealth thing. And she popped on and it was this very unfriendly psychiatrist, and was basically like, what are we doing today? And I was like, Oh, well, I was, you know, looking to see if I needed a diagnosis. And she was like, why don't diagnose. And I was like, well, then this is the appointment, I set up what what's happening? So she was solely for medication, like she she prescribes meds, and whatever. So there was, there was some kind of mistake with how they, they set up my appointment. But she was like, Well, you know, if you want to continue, like, why don't you just tell me why you think you have ADHD? And I was like, how do I start? So you know, I thought the testing process was going to be them asking me questions. And so I just kind of started rambling and going on and on. And after listening to me for about, like, five, seven minutes, she kind of just cut me off and was like, you know, I, you seem to be a pretty successful person. And it just seems to me that you are a fairly anxious mom have young children. And I was like, Yeah, but you know, a lot of these symptoms came before I had children and she actually shushed me, and kind of explained to me that this was all anxiety, and I graduated college, I seem to have a fairly successful life. Meanwhile, she didn't ask me any questions about how college was and how I pulled all nighters every single time I had a paper or a test and, you know, didn't finish my teachers tests before graduating and all these things. She asked me if I wanted a prescription for anxiety medication, I told her that felt really inappropriate that she would try to prescribe me with something after speaking with me for 10 minutes and hung up. I just like started sobbing. Because it's like your worst fears. Realize, yeah, right. Like, you're so worried that you're crazy. And somebody's going to invalidate you. And that's basically what she did. Luckily, she asked if I wanted to be referred to another psychiatrist who could do a proper evaluation. And I said, Yes. That took about two more months. Oh, you know what I forgot the first appointment with her was supposed to be in April, and it actually got canceled because she had an emergency. So it got pushed back to June. And then that is what happened in June. And then I didn't get another appointment until July or August. Yeah. Anyways, the next psychiatrist I met with was wonderful. She understood everything I was saying. She got ADHD and its symptoms and how it presents in women. She did the full four hour thing. Immediately after was like, you'll get your test results in two weeks, but like, yeah,

Katy Weber 14:51
oh my goodness. Can you what telehealth company was this?

Emily Weinberg 14:56
Sorry, I shouldn't have said telehealth, okay. I just meant it was Is it was a telehealth visit? Okay. All right. Yeah. That the actual test with the second psychiatrist was in office, the intake, the first psychiatrists who dismissed me was virtual. The intake was virtual. And then I went into the office to do the actual testing.

Katy Weber 15:18
Yeah. I'm so sorry. That was your experience. I wish that was rare. You know, I wish it was more rare. I feel like I've heard from so many women who have had a similar experience of just being like, Oh, you just sound like you're a mom who needs a good nap. Right? Like, it's so frustrating. When you like you said, like, no questions about what my experience was what was happening behind the scenes, you know, like you said, teaching broke me. And I'm like, using phrases like, like, broke me, right? Like, those should be some of those indicators, if you know what to look for. But what like, why clinicians, time and time again, are so fucking dismissive and lack curiosity. It just drives me crazy. Well, I'm glad you found the second one for sure.

Emily Weinberg 16:04
Yeah, it was, it was also, you know, I think a lot of us, especially in moms, because there is a lot of there are a lot of struggles that come with ADHD that also come with being human and being a mom, right? You know, all moms struggle in very similar ways. All people can struggle in similar ways. You know, I don't need to be telling you this, obviously, with ADHD, it's the severity, and you know, how many times a day and how much it's affected you all that. But when you do get into, like, mom life, and you're realizing these ways in which you struggle, and there is so much of the like, narrative of like, that's being a mom, it's hard to feel like, you can look beyond that to say, like, No, this actually feels harder for me, I get that it's hard for a lot of people. But something about it feels harder for me, you know, almost like you're, it's like, self indulgent, but like you're making an excuse, or you just can't hack it or whatever, because all moms are going through this. So to already have that in the back of my head of like, you know, am I just struggling because I'm a new mom, like, and that's, that's what this is. And then to have a psychiatrist, basically repeat that back to me. The one thing I will say is, I had joined an online ADHD coaching group, in in April, when I first thought I was gonna have my appointment. And really, really, really, thankfully, I did. I think I had been in it for two months before this appointment, because it got pushed back to June, an A, I learned so much more about ADHD in that coaching program, because a lot of it has to do with education. B, I had heard a lot of stories already about how this had happened to some people and how they had been dismissed, and how you can get a second opinion and find a new psychiatrist. So it already been kind of prepared that this might happen. It didn't make it any less like gut punch. Because in my head, I did kind of still have this optimistic view that oh, you know, I live outside Boston. And I was thinking, you know, we have all the best in the country like that, that must happen if you live in, you know, like, some, you know, maybe small town where you don't have many, you know, psychiatrists to choose from. And so I kind of had this optimistic idea that that won't happen to me. So I was really thankful that I knew that because it allowed me to get a second opinion, and not just be like, it was all in my head. I guess I'm like, if I had joined that, I honestly don't know what would have happened if I got that response. And that was kind of it. And I felt stupid for even trying. So I'm really I am really, really thankful. And I also try to share that a lot whenever I find out that people are, too thinking they might have it or recommendations for how to prepare for a diagnosis. Because it's just so important to realize that it's not just like a few psychiatrists or doctors who don't get it like, unfortunately, it really is. It seems like it's so many of them. And the ones that you can find that do get it seem to be like Rainbow Unicorn doctors, you know, or clinicians or, or whoever they are. So, yeah, really, luckily it allowed me to keep going and get a second opinion.

Katy Weber 19:50
Yeah, that's such a it's such an endorsement for not only trusting your gut and really kind of, you know, feeling like if you have a strong react Shouldn't to what you read about ADHD, what you see about ADHD, if you're having a strong reaction to really go with your gut about that, but also like, like you said, like finding community and finding other people who you can talk about this experience with, because it is so hard to articulate. And we do often, so often get trapped in that self denial roll. I don't know if it's self denial, but just to like, you know, that internalized ableism, or whatever you want to call it, where you're sort of like, Well, maybe if I just try harder, or you know, maybe another year, it'll get easier, or like all of those things that we tell ourselves, or like, maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, and I am just lazy, you know, all of those ways that we contribute to our own self doubt, because of, you know, not feeling like we have a reason to complain, right? Or just being like, well, you know, this is just what life is like.

Emily Weinberg 20:54
Right? It's hard for everyone, like everyone struggles in this way, especially during the pandemic, it was really hard to feel like I could complain, because of how hard it was for everyone, and how much harder it was for some people. I mean, I was really lucky in that I wasn't working at the time I was I was just I was with my kids. So I didn't even have to juggle work. And my kids. I saw people doing that and was like, I don't even know how it's possible. I don't know how you do that. So even just the thought, and I wasn't even doing it. I couldn't even I was just having a hard time managing my kids without other stuff going on. And it you're right, it it. It's like this, like general consensus of like, life is hard. It's hard for everyone makes it really hard to like voice that maybe certain things are harder for you. And especially with ADHD, because you know, of course you share the like, I'm constantly losing things, you share a story of how you lost something, and somebody will be like, oh, yeah, but like, that would happen to me too. I'm like, and that's such a common feeling. Obviously, everybody who has ADHD have like, great, you lose things, too. Yeah, I know. Right? But like, all like just all like, are you so used to it. Like when my wife loses something, it is so upsetting to her. And she's so frustrated with herself because it doesn't happen. Whereas she's like, you know, frantically searching for her wallet. And I'm like, my life like, I'm not so frazzled by it, because I just will find it. But like, it's inconceivable. And sometimes she'll be like, I don't know how you live, like. I don't know how you lose things all the time, because this is driving me insane. I'll share this interview, which I have been thinking about, since I booked it, have had it in my calendar and have often clicked on it to look at it in my calendar. I thought it was at 11 today. And I pulled into my driveway at 930 thinking like, alright, I can go in unload groceries, jot some notes down, yada, yada. And I happened to look at my phone and I saw that there was like a Google reminder. And I was like, that's weird. It usually only does it with my like half hour and 10 minute. And I looked at it and I was like, Is this interview at 10? This interview can't be a 10. And it's like, you tell that story to somebody? And they're like, Yeah, but like I've you know, I've done that. And like I always do that though. And it's in my every single time I have looked at that for the past month, it has been an 11 o'clock interview. I have scheduled other things in my day around an 11 o'clock interview.

Katy Weber 23:51
Right? Well, that exactly. That is so relatable. I've done that so many times where I've like, I have looked at this so many times. And I just didn't see it. And I'm like, How is that possible? How was looking and seeing two different things?

Emily Weinberg 24:06
Yeah, it's true. Like, I'll go into an appointment at the wrong place. And I'm like, somebody is playing tricks on me. I checked, I actually looked at it. And now it says something different. And I know that sounds crazy. And I know it actually is the thing that it says but when I looked, I swear it said whatever it is, and it's I mean, that's what also like causes half of the like stress and panic all the time because you're just fairly positive. You're correct. And the thing is, I put it in my calendar too. It's not even like get a calendar. Of course everyone would forget appointments if it wasn't in a calendar, it's in my calendar. I still almost messed it up like they are really thankful I did it. But it's in my calendar still.

Katy Weber 24:55
Right? Well, I think those are it's those little things that pile up and pile up and pile up where you're constantly like, What is wrong with me, right? Like I was always sort of had those feelings throughout my life where I was like, Do I have a learning disorder like I could never really figure out what it was all of these sort of random things and could never connect the dots until until the diagnosis where then you're like, oh, all the dots could

Emily Weinberg 25:22
totally. I will say like the one of the biggest things that has really changed for me, and then, like, just so beneficial for my mental health is exactly that, that like, What is wrong with me? Right? Like, I can't even count how many times I've said that in my life. Because when you do a stupid screw up like that, and you just like, want to go back in time and like, redo it and the like, What is wrong with me? Like, how did I mess that up? Again, I didn't realize how much that was just like crushing my self concept, which in my online program, that was kind of one of the first things you work on is your self concept. And the what is wrong with me? thing, just like came up so much. And the first shift I saw once I really started, you know, working on myself concept learning more, was that I wasn't I wasn't saying what is wrong with me anymore. Like I was laughing about more of that stuff that I did. Because it it became like a like, of course, I did that. Like me two years ago, I would have been in such a tizzy. If I screwed up that time, and I would have just been like, beating myself up. And now I'm just like that is so like, that's just, it's part of the territory. Like don't get mad at me. I like get mad at the ADHD, which feels a little bit better. It's like, good brain, but not like you are a horrible human being because you screwed this up again. And I actually I will give a really good example of when a really big one happened. And I was like, wow, I am making changes. I was going with my family to Santos village, which is in New Hampshire. It's like a little theme park.

Katy Weber 27:21
I've actually been there. Yeah, like in the 80s Yeah,

Emily Weinberg 27:25
it's you know what, it's fun. I think also because I I was medicated and knew more about my sensory issues. When we went I was able to enjoy it. But earlier in the summer, we had been to Storyland and Santos village and we were kind of talking about both of those things leading up to this trip. And I'll I'll say how I screwed up first, I put Storyland in the GPS unknowingly. And we drove we woke our kids up at like 645 In the morning we packed everything we were gonna get there like before it opened my wife like loves being early to things it's she was so pumped that we had actually gotten out of the house going to be you know, some of the first lines we get ride rides before there were lines all this stuff. We're getting closer we're doing like a five minute countdown with the kids. They had been like really good the whole car ride we were like actually going to make it. Four minutes, three minutes. We get a little closer we pull up and it I saw the story land parking lot. And my whole body. It like clicked what I had done. And I was just I had this like freakout I was like, Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Because I knew now we're gonna have to drive an hour to the next place. We were not gonna get there early. We were meeting some family. It was a total disaster. i A like gave myself a minute to just totally forget about it. We like through the kids their Kindles, and we were like, Sorry, guys. Hold on tight, that were not there. I was really upset. But I didn't. I didn't like shame myself how I used to. Like, I was very, very, very aware that this is just another ADHD brain thing. You know, my wife was upset, rightfully so let her be upset for a while, which is another new thing. I wasn't convincing her to not be upset, let her be upset. She then could see how upset I wasn't she was trying to like make me feel better is an accident could happen to anybody which was like very kind of her. And I just like kind of let myself like be really, really upset about it. Because it was frustrating. But I didn't like I just didn't like blame me. I didn't I didn't go into this like shame spiral of like, I've screwed up again. I've ruined this trip. My wife's gonna be so mad the whole day. Now we're going to be late. And when I got out of it we just like got to San his village and enjoy the day I was like that's That's the difference between knowing you have ADHD and not knowing when you don't know all that stuff just like destroys you as a human being. Because you just think like, you're such a screw up and you always screw it up. And afterwards you're like, This is an unfortunate part of my brain. But it's gonna happen. A lot. That happened today. Yeah, that was my sales village story.

Katy Weber 30:29
Oh, my goodness. That is. I think that is such a perfect story, too, in terms of the importance of reframing, and we talked, I feel like I talk about that a lot on this podcast. I know I talk about it a lot with clients, like this idea of really radical acceptance, and what radical acceptance looks like? It's, you know, not coming to a place of like, how am I going to fix this? You know, I feel like people always come to me, how am I going to fix my ADHD? And I'm like, spoiler alert. totally right. You're, it's not here to be fixed. It's here to be sort of accepted and managed, and embraced in some ways. But like, what does that even look like? And I feel like your story is such a perfect example of like, how the dominoes can fall in one direction if you're fighting it and like, angry about it and, and feeling shame about it, versus how the dominoes can fall in a totally different direction. When you're sort of like, okay, this, this happened, this is what happens. And now what, right,

Emily Weinberg 31:29
right, and it stinks. Like, it's really annoying that it happened. And I feel bad that it has affected my whole family as well. But right, but it is kind of a part of it. And when you talk about fixing it, like when I joined this program, I 100% thought it was about fixing how I was right, like I was gonna learn to be a proper adults who could do things when I was supposed to do, I, it's like, I didn't know how I couldn't wrap my brain around, like how I would learn that, but I definitely thought it was about learning how to function like properly. And it was like a little bit frustrated at first, because it was not focused on how to do these things better. It was focused on like, me and my emotions, what causes Shane, and why the like, why I feel like these things are so bad that I do. And like, really, really also, like, digging for the positives. Because you know, when I started this workbook, when I first joined, and it was all about self concept, and I wrote it down, and then I read it and I was like, oh my god, like I like I hate myself, I don't I didn't even realize it because I presented as like, Fine, which had a lot to do with like masking and a little to do with how I was raised and a lot, but nobody would have known how little self esteem I had. From looking at me, you know, still because I also don't share this part of me with just everybody. I mean, I I'm not, you know, I'm not like a social media. ADHD person, I'm just like a regular person who like if it can fit into a conversation that I can tell you, I have ADHD, I'll tell you, but also, you might never know this about me. But, you know, I've reread the self concept and I was just like, whoa, when did I get so down on myself. And that was, you know, April 2021 that I wrote that and I still sometimes will like reread it as like a reminder of how far I've come and I am not where I want to be by any means I'm still and who knows if I ever will. I think that's the whole like Work in Progress idea. But sometimes I read it and I'm like, I'm so thankful that I went down this path because like that person would have just been so miserable right now and not telling anybody that I was miserable and convincing myself that I wasn't as miserable as I thought I was and all that and I read it like every once in a while and I you know I sent it to like my coach one time and she was just like Damn, it's really powerful and you know, I I do not function as a proper adult these days like i i try but i i my stuffs everywhere I have piles my wife is like constantly like picking up my piles and like putting them on my desk and I mean, she has come such a far way to and understanding me and like, it's been big for both of us, because a lot of the stuff that I did in our relationship prior was really hurtful to her. And then I felt a lot of shame about because it's like, I didn't intend that. That's not what, I don't know why, for example, interrupting, like the worst interrupter, I've probably interrupted you, like, 10 times in this interview, I just, and for her being interrupted, felt so disrespectful. And I couldn't explain why it was so hard for me to not, and I would try and fail. Now she knows, you know, so sometimes, like this morning, I went to interrupt her and was like, and she can like laugh about it, she's like, Jessica, because you will forget it. So there's like, it's changed that dynamic to where like, she doesn't have to take some of these things. So personally, she can get frustrated about them, obviously, but she doesn't feel so hurt by it. Another example is when we used to, like, you know, in our younger days, when we used to, like go to bars, and be like, anybody want to drink, I'll go get a drink, or whatever. And people would tell me what they want. And she'd be like, can you just give me some water, I would never come back with her water ever. Because it's like, the drinks are all here, the water, I have to go get somewhere else, or it's like a separate category. And I have to remember. And I come back and I just see the look on her face. And I'd be like, Oh my God, I've got the water, you know. And she'd be like, she cares about everybody else's drinks and not mine, like the hell. And now that you know that working memory piece is way more understandable that it's like, I do care about you a lot. But also the thing you just told me is gone. It does not until I see your face. It's gone. So yeah, it's It's little things like that, that have really changed a lot of like, how we view each other.

Katy Weber 37:03
Yeah. Right. I know. I that idea of like, I do care a lot. So then therefore what's wrong with me? Right, always coming back? What's wrong with me that I'm not willing to do these things? Yeah.

Emily Weinberg 37:17
Right. Or like I screwed up again. I heard her again, like, yeah.

Katy Weber 37:21
Now you had mentioned when you reached out to me, you had mentioned that when you first started listening to this podcast, you sort of felt disheartened by the fact that it was like all of these interviews with women who felt like they had it all together, and were met, were mastering their ADHD, and you felt like a hot mess. You're not the first person who said that. I mean, I that's if there's like, sort of one criticism that comes up most with this podcast. It's sort of like, where are the real women? And I always never know what to say about that. Because I also feel like, we're all hot messes, but we're all extraordinary. Like, I have yet to meet somebody who really is sort of where I'm just like, Oh, I'm sorry, you're just a lost cause. Right? Like,

Emily Weinberg 38:03
well, and they probably wouldn't want to come on your podcast. True, right? You know, if they're at that phase of like, I don't think they're coming on a podcast to

Katy Weber 38:12
write. And that's what it's all about self concept. And it's all about kind of how who we were and how we thought of ourselves and how we kind of need to start unraveling that in and discovering that extraordinary part of ourselves. So I'm curious now like, what, what would you say to that version of yourself?

Emily Weinberg 38:34
Well, yeah, it's, you know, I really binged your podcast for a lot. Because it was a podcast where it wasn't like, it was educational, but not from a strictly like, here are the symptoms here are things you know, it was, it was so personal. And it also wasn't fixie, like, here's how we can do it better. Here's how we can overcome this thing. That's hard. It provided. I mean, you get this all the time, so much validation. Like, it was mind blowing really, and I had, this is after I can't really remember when I started listening. It was early on though. And so the idea that women have come on who are like really successful and doing well, and have ADHD is inspiring. And then sometimes it can feel like well, wait a minute, I just kind of like realized maybe I'm not as far along as I wanted to be because of all this ADHD stuff that's been holding me back. But these people are like uber successful, and they also have ADHD. So it almost becomes like yet another way to beat yourself up. And I think a lot of the ADHD podcasts tend to feature people who have their stuff together who are who are known or who, you know, have an established career or whatnot, because that's either people know to reach out to them, or those are the people who really want to be on podcasts and share their stories. This was actually part of something that I had set for myself, which was like a long, year long goal. And this was like a small step of it. And when I first I almost like when I was hearing people talk about their stories, I was like, how would I tell my story? I've never really told my story I've never like, discussed just me at length as it pertains to ADHD, I have, you know, bits of conversation with lots of different people, but I don't know how. And I still now, I don't remember, even 40 minutes ago, how I told my story stuff, I told it again, it would probably be different. Like, I don't know how you like get on a podcast, though. Like I don't? Who would? Who would want to hear that? I think as I kept listening, and also as I kept working on myself, and felt a little bit more comfortable with where I'm at, because I am, yeah, in some regards, I am successful. Um, especially given being up against ADHD difficulties, for sure. You know, I have a family.

Katy Weber 41:21
And essentially twins, too, right? That still boggles my mind.

Emily Weinberg 41:29
But, you know, sometimes I would just think like, career career career, like, I've always had this, like, I don't know what I wanted to, I don't know, I don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know what I'm good at, I have constantly felt like, I wouldn't be good at that, I wouldn't be good at that, I would have no idea how to do that. I hear you. And a lot of guests, a lot of the times talk about how you're like serial entrepreneurs, and you're always starting a new business. And I was like, I would never do that. I would never feel like I had an idea and could just start it. Because I'd be like, this is a cool idea. I've no idea how to do it. So we're just gonna. But I don't know, I guess I started to be like, I don't have it all figured out by any means. I'm like, starting to, it's taken a really long time. And I feel like it's probably important for other people listening, especially at the beginning of their ADHD journey, who are like, what, how do these people have it all together, to maybe see somebody who's like, maybe in the middle, kind of, of like, I have really learned a lot. I have come along way, I still really struggle with so many things. I do not have my career established. I am like, working in that direction. But it's, it has taken so long. And especially remember at the beginning, I was so impatient, I just everybody is like you just want to like figure it out and like be there. And I still have moments where I'm like, I just want to be there. And I'm constantly reminded by my coach, and many, many, many people like there is there is no there. Because when you're there, you want to be further there. Like, I've always thought of it as like, eventually I'll cross this like Rainbow Bridge and be on the other side of ADHD. And you're not, you never are like you're further along, I've always kind of like, pictured, like a moving sidewalk, but going in the opposite direction. And so like you're walking, walking, walking, and it like you like take a break, and it kind of pushes you back. But it just it kind of never ends. And sometimes when you like that, like you get burned out, it like kind of pushes you back and you have to figure out how to get back to where you were. And I I feel like I'm at a place where I can so distinctly remember what the beginning was like, and I and I appreciate that. Because I feel like I can help people who are starting where I feel like I started it's not so distant that I can't even remember being in a place that was such a hard time. But in getting further along to where like it's like the floodlight thing has like narrowed a little, you know, it's not like what am I doing? It's like the pieces are starting to come together. And it was hard to imagine that when I really just felt like I was like flailing and would never figure it out. And I feel like I'm in a place where I am starting to figure it out. But I want to like anybody who is listening to feel kind of like relieved almost in that. Just hearing like, I'm not where I've shown had to be right when I started. And that's, then that's actually okay with me. I thought the fix would be like landing where I saw myself as like successful career overcoming the ADHD stuff, I could get everything done. And I'm not I'll never be there, because I'm not fixing anything. So I think you asked what I would say to that person, and I didn't answer your question at all. But that was kind of the purpose of wanting reaching out and wanting to be on the show to be like, Hi, I'm like, your average Joe. person with ADHD. I can share some insight maybe.

Katy Weber 45:36
Yeah, right. And I, when you were talking, I got this image of just like somebody's kind of flailing in a river, you know, grasping at sticks or trying to grab it things that are floating by and then you just sort of letting go and, and giving in and surfing and letting the current take you, right. And I sort of feel like, I feel like for me, a lot of that reframing a lot of this inner work that has happened around ADHD along with coaching and therapy and the education around what this is and why I am the way I am. And you know, all of this combined, has allowed me to, to ride the current in a way that I don't have that anxiety anymore. I don't have that desire to fix. I don't feel like the answer is at the end of the next self help book, right? Like a lot of that anxiousness that eagerness that in that impatience is gone. And so that's where I sort of feel like I can provide some perspective to right where it's like, like you said, on the moving sidewalk, which is so brilliant, right? That idea of like, yeah, I don't feel like I'm really closer to a goal. But I feel less lost, I guess, in terms of in terms of elute feeling like I've alluded something that everybody else is getting, you're have a real gift of articulation.

Emily Weinberg 47:00
It's just funny to get that feedback, because I it's I sometimes we we just ramble, right, and we just like talk in circles. And I so frequently afterwards, I have to stop myself and be like, does that make any sense? Because in my head it did. I'm glad it does to you. Sometimes. I mean, I think you have ADHD too. So it makes sense. Sometimes it wouldn't if you don't, but I should add, I should like very, very, very much credit so much of this to my coach, and my coaching program, and therapy, like, you know, I do take meds, I am so aware though, that the meds would be doing nothing. Without coaching. Therapy is super important too. But I think in terms of like the self concept thing is, feels like it's the biggest thing, all the other stuff can kind of come with it. But that this, I've been in this program for now almost almost two years, and like, super life changing. And I joined it again, assuming it would be something that I like I tried, that I spent this money on, and then I just didn't keep up with it. And I kind of can't believe I have stuck with it for this long. So not only do I get coached, but it like you were saying it's a community of people with ADHD. And I just feel like the past two year, two years has been like so brand new to me. Because all of a sudden you are hearing other people's experiences and sharing your experiences and validating each other and you can say anything and you don't sound crazy and it's just like this world of like oh my god there's more people who have functioned like me like this isn't so wild and out there like I have been made to feel or telling myself the community really is everything like in the past like maybe judged people who had like really good online relationships and like met them but some of these people like know me really well and I know them and like share stories and it's just it's like all this stuff that you kind of kept inside which is probably just like weighing you down so much like That's embarrassing. That's embarrassing. Don't tell anybody that that's you know, you just one by one you start to like let it out and other people are like I totally get it I've done the same thing or like you have nothing to feel bad about or you know I would have handled the same way and you're like oh my gosh, so great. So yeah, wherever I've come on the moving sidewalk walk which like it do you think and I think visual Oh my god. Yeah, imagery all the time when it's it's so much because of that. Yeah, I like Joy. I mean that and I went back and forth about it for so long. And I think I like, broke down to my wife about it. And she was like, just join the program. And I was like, it kind of goes a lot of money. And she was like, just join the program. Right?

Katy Weber 50:15
That's the hardest thing, too is thinking about return on investment with that stuff. And like expense. So what did what is the program? I think I know what it is. But I

Emily Weinberg 50:23
so it's a focused program with Kristin Carter,

Katy Weber 50:27
I was just gonna say, I think this sounds like Kristin Carter's community, but yeah,

Emily Weinberg 50:31
it Yeah. And it's, you know, that's it was the first podcast that I binge on. And, you know, after like, two months of going back and forth, I was like, I just tried out, and I joined again, before I was diagnosed. So I, I totally felt like a fraud. Like, I don't belong here. And people were immediately like, stop, we do not care if you have a diagnosis or not, if these are the things you're struggling with, like you are in the right place. And I was like, Cool. I know. Yeah,

Katy Weber 50:58
I know, right? It's getting a

Emily Weinberg 50:59
diagnosis is sometimes impossible. And so even if you never get the diagnosis, if you can join a community of people who are struggling with the same things that you're struggling with, you just don't have to have that label in order to start figuring out a different way. I can say that now. But I 100% felt like I didn't belong there yet. And I was really, really quickly met with like, you're fine. You do not need the diagnosis. It's not like when you're, you know, signing up for the program. It's like, please write the doctor's name who prescribed you with ADHD? Like, it's, it's just like, No, you're here, you found your people. And if, if a month and you're like, Whoa, this actually, this is not what I'm struggling with, then you you leave the program, it's not for you. But if you figure out within the first month, like, bingo, like this, is it? Yeah, so that's, I mean, it's, it's been a game changer, for sure. That's amazing. I am now training to be a coach, which is why I say like, I am starting to figure out the path. And even just deciding to do that shows me how far I've come. Because I remember early on in the program, you know, there's like the message boards and whatnot. And somebody had discussed being a coach. And in my head, I was like, that's cool. But like, how would I possibly coach somebody when I am? Like, that's so far fetched for me, but it does kind of seem to fit a lot of the things I like to do. But I would never be able to coach somebody with ADHD like, fast forward a year later, there was another comment. And like, I immediately got this like pang of jealousy. And I kind of instead of just like ignoring it, like I might have, I was like, why am I jealous of this person who is becoming a coach. And then I was like, it's because I want to become a coach like this is I all of a sudden was like I get it. I get that you can help people even when you don't have it all figured out yourself. It's so much easier to see somebody else's situation than your own. And it's also like so much just about guide, you're not fixing somebody, which is kind of what I again used to think it was I don't have to fix anybody. I just have to kind of like, guide them how I was guided. And again, what another thing that's funny as I look back to the self concept book and sent this to my coach as well. And one of the things like early on, it's like, it was like who are you? Besides just like mother, whatever your career is like daughter, like what what do you do? What do you like, and a lot of mine was like, I like empathizing with people. You know, I like helping people. I like being a safe person for people. I like to help people feel validated. I like to help people. Like once I've kind of like gone through something I like to help. And I look back at it, and I was like I literally described coaching. And I didn't see it when I wrote it. So the puzzle pieces are starting to come together. And after, you know a long time of feeling like what am I doing? Like I'm just where am I going with this? Oh my goodness, I I will loved

Katy Weber 54:33
this conversation. So what like you know, it's no coincidence why so many of us turn to advocacy and and sort of make ADHD our life's work after a diagnosis because it is so profound on experience to go through and we just want to save others right like we just want to help anyone else who maybe isn't there yet. And I think it's also why coaching is such an effective relationship for both sides, right? Like, it's as somebody who is diagnosed, coaching is really such an effective modality or you know, a way to spend your money on yourself or whatever you want to look at it, like it really can be so life changing. But at the same time, like you said, like, once you sort of gone through this and realize the potential, your own potential, and you just want to help other people, like, I just think we, we have so much empathy, because we spend so much of our lives in this state of confusion and sadness and self esteem, you know, low self esteem and all of the above. And it does, it just feels so wonderfully communal and symbiotic to then want to, you know, help others. And so I just, I feel like you've taken us on this incredibly related, relatable journey through, you know, what it's like to have this adult diagnosis. And exactly, you know, what I wanted to start with this podcast and what I went through, and, you know, I think everybody listening can is going to relate to this so much. So I'm really, really grateful that you took this leap and decided to share your story. It's, it's really powerful.

Emily Weinberg 56:18
I'm so glad to hear you say that, because I like, going into it. I do this all the time, where I'm like, What am I going to say, and then I, you know, have a million things to say, I, you know, I have all my notes next to me, I didn't look at them once, they, you know, thank you for providing that feedback. Because I just, you know, even when I reached out to you, I was like, I don't I don't know what the purpose of being on this podcast was, it just feels like something that I have to do. And, you know, the, the scary thing about this is, like, I have been very like closeted about my ADHD, not just like, I've never shared anything about it past, like, personal conversations with people it's not. And I was like, I feel like I could use being on this episode as the like, Alright, here it is, like, cats out of the bag. Like, I it's just it is what it is. And and now like, I don't know, if you have questions, like, you know, in terms of my friends, like sometimes I see things that like people are struggling with, and I'm like, oh, that might be ADHD. Do I tell you can I have this conversation with you? And it just took a kind of strangers one comment to me. And I told her this afterwards, I was like, I reached out to her like a year later was like, I just need to let you know that like you're just saying that one, like, do you have ADHD, and she was like blown away by it. Because when you have ADHD, if you're gonna start going down the rabbit hole, you're gonna go down the rabbit hole. And sometimes it just takes like, the one person to be like, that's, that's a little familiar. And I want to be more open about it because her openness allowed me to be where I am. But being open about it has been really hard for me. So hopefully, it won't be moving forward. Especially if I want to be an ADHD coach, I probably have to share. Well, I

Katy Weber 58:26
think anyone listening I've heard there's gonna be people listening to this episode who were like, Okay, why don't you started? Come on, get your certification now. So when you do launch your business, please come back and let me know so people can find you. And

Emily Weinberg 58:39
I'm going to take on that because I'm gonna be like, Wow.

Katy Weber 58:46
So I cannot ask you if you could name it something else would you call it something else? Do you have a name for it?

Emily Weinberg 58:53
You know, I'm gonna be your cliched Yes. Who's like I hear you ask all your guests this and I Yes. Obviously, the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity is like the worst name ever. I don't really accept, you know, like, I've been kind of cheating off some other guests. It's like regulation, right? It's like regulation, regulation, regulation. It's we don't move emotions, attention, focus, motivation, everything. It's like here and then it's gone. And well, I think that you can like work with that. If you understand it. I still think like, that's the heart of it. So something along the lines of like, regulation Deficit Disorder, because it's not just your attention. Like everybody says, I am aware of everything in my room right now. That's why it's so distracting. I would like to regulate that which I'm able to do right now. Sometimes Sometimes. Okay. So the long short of it are DD but also regulation. I guess that's not it, there's might not really understand that. I don't know, it's the best I got.

Katy Weber 1:00:04
I was gonna say I know, right? Like, even if I anytime I think about like, what I would rename it like executive functioning is, you know, we're regulate emotional regulation I've like I don't think any of those would have tipped me off in the early days either, you know, so I'm like,

Emily Weinberg 1:00:20
exactly because I didn't know what regulation was before I learned exactly. So

Katy Weber 1:00:24
no one would have done it for me. I honestly don't because it's so it's everything right? It's everything all at once. That's like that movie, right? Everything if

Emily Weinberg 1:00:36
something feels off disorder,

Katy Weber 1:00:40
something feels off and you can't pinpoint it. Disorder. Well, that's why I found like, you know, when I finally there was that book that was written ages ago, but you know, the book. You mean, I'm not crazy. I'm not quite I always mess this one up, but I'm not lazy, crazy and stupid. One of those is that order where I was like, oh, okay, I'm definitely in the right place.

Emily Weinberg 1:01:04
Right. Right. It's like it's right. It's like, that's the language I think I have like your brains not broken. Yeah. Like, it's, it's like, that's the language that gets you to be like, come again. I do think lazy lazy is definitely like, you can't put that in the name. But I think that that is I we're out of time, but I'm gonna say one more thing that was like, whoa. I think there's like a Danny Donovan graphic that I saw one day. And it was like the, the picture of the person sitting on the couch. And to like an outsider, they look like they're just like, hanging out, relaxing. Whatever. And then the inside was like baba, baba, baba, baba, baba. And I was like, Oh, my God, that that's what it is. And I claim that I really just enjoy like, sitting on the couch relaxing, like, all the other stuff can wait. And I don't. And I I I like, I don't know if I'm like covering up for myself to say like, this is what I actually enjoy doing. I want to enjoy it. But it was this like, that's why I look lazy. Because you just see me sitting on the couch. Like I don't have a care in the world. But because you think it looks lazy. I think I am lazy. But here is what is happening. That is like I'm not relaxing at all. I don't feel rested at all, because I am full of shame and guilt for the things that I'm actually not doing right now that I'm going to pay for later. So when you said like crazy, stupid, lazy, like, that's a big, big, big one. That it's like the starting place for people to really like, fully believe. And sometimes I still don't believe it. But at least I have the like wherewithal to like remind myself. That's really not true. Even if it feels it sometimes. Yeah. Stop talking. Just cut me off.

Katy Weber 1:02:59
Yeah, yeah. You know, it just occurred to me when you're talking to like, Well, no, it's like, we I feel like many of us, like when I think of myself on vacation, I'm always doing stuff. I always have all these ideas. And I'm like, Let's go here. Let's go here. Let's do this tour, let's visit this place. Like, I have a million things I want to do when I'm in relaxation mode, quote, unquote. But when I am lying on the couch, I'm in like paralysis mode. Right. And I that was a big thing for me that like paralysis has a lot to do with internalized hyperactivity and and the, you know, the sort of intersection where internalized hyperactivity and executive dysfunction meet, looks like laziness and relaxation and letting you know, lying around scrolling on your phone, but it's actually like, a lot more complicated than that. So it's interesting to me how it's like, I will spend my quote unquote, like what I'm supposed to be productive is when I'm lying on the couch, what I'm supposed to be relaxing, it's what I'm running around doing a million things. So you're

Emily Weinberg 1:03:56
doing fun things. And you're also doing really fun things, which like, it's easy to get up and do fun things. It is the worst to get up and do dishes and laundry and paperwork and

Katy Weber 1:04:06
right. So but yeah, just that reminder that like, No, I'm actually not lazy. It's just what the thing is.

Emily Weinberg 1:04:14
Right? I can do things. Yeah, yeah, I can do lots of things. But I have to choose which thing and then I have to put on a lot of music. And I have to amp myself up. And like that feels like a lot. So I'm just gonna sit here.

Katy Weber 1:04:28
Yeah. Oh, well, I will say it again. Emily, this has been a really wonderful conversation. Thank you so so much for coming and getting here on time and not accidentally showing up. Although we wouldn't we would have rescheduled it now.

Emily Weinberg 1:04:42
I feel like that's my win for the day. Right.

Katy Weber 1:04:45
I believe we I've done it before. So you're in the right place, as they say. So thank you.

Emily Weinberg 1:04:53
I really appreciate you. You, you know, letting me come on when I'm just you know, just a ADHD Joe Schmoe, so thank you.

Katy Weber 1:05:02
Yeah, we're all lady. So I've just had ADHD Joe Schmo myself, so I'm weren't good company. Okay. Yeah. Thank you so much.

Emily Weinberg 1:05:12
Thank you.

Katy Weber 1:05:15
Okay, let's check back in with Emily to see what's up with her these days.

Speaker 1 1:05:20
Hi, Elise. Nice to see you again. Yeah, how are you? It's nice to see you too. Good. Yeah. So,

Katy Weber 1:05:27
uh, you know, I, I recently released my 100 and 50th episode. So I have my interviews. Awesome, right. And I was, I've been fingered, thank you. And I've just been reflecting, you know, I was like, should I choose my some of my favorites. And I was like, I can't possibly choose my favorite episodes, they're all my favorite. They're all my babies. But like, I was looking through some of the episodes that have just really stayed with me or really felt like I got, you know, a lot of emotional responses to it. And yours was definitely one of them. That just felt like, you know, a long time coming in terms of talking about that, you know, that experience of of like, you know, maybe I don't feel like my life has changed dramatically since my ADHD diagnosis. And maybe I'm just still trying to figure things out. But now I want to come back and get an update for you. Because I feel like your life has actually changed quite drastically, would you say?

Emily Weinberg 1:06:26
Mmm, hmm. Has it changed dramatically? It has changed? Yes. I think it's been like a really, really gradual shift. So that now I can kind of look back and be like, Whoa, I'm in such a different place. But I don't know, I guess on a day to day basis, everything feels no, that's not true. Because now you know, I have other things that I'm kind of working towards, and I have a better kind of grasp on everything. So I don't know, I guess like somewhere in the gray area, it's changed. But I still kind of feel like the same person that I was six months ago on the podcast, where I'm like, who knows? We're all just trying to figure it out. Right? Well,

Katy Weber 1:07:11
that's actually a that's the perfect answer. Because it's true. It isn't a radical change. But there is a sense that you know, and at the end of the day, we still have ADHD, right? So there's all of these things that come with it. And you know, one of the messages I've always tried to have with my podcast is the fact that like, yes, at the end of the day, we're all a shit show. But it doesn't really that part of us doesn't necessarily have to define who we are and how we view ourselves and how we move through this world. And so I know, we talked a lot about mindset shifts, and kind of the work that you had done in the focus community. And now you are, you're officially certified as a as an ADHD coach. Congratulations.

Emily Weinberg 1:07:53
Thank you. Yeah, it's really exciting. I mean, you know, just in, in hearing what you said, I do feel like maybe the biggest shift is that, like, I now I kind of don't feel like I'm just going through, like the motions. I maybe that's what the biggest shift has been, like, I no longer kind of just feel like I'm letting life like happen to me, and kind of whatever comes next comes next and whatever, like choice I like, passively make is kind of just what is happening to me. Guys, I feel like it's really given me the ability to like, think about what I want move towards something that I want to be doing, considering, like, why I want to be doing these things. Because it's hard, it's like, it's really hard to see kind of what the difference is because, you know, mostly everything is the same if you just like from an outside looking in, but I think the difference is like me being able to actually like take charge of what I want to be doing my opinions like whether or not I want to put a need that I have out there or inconvenience someone else or you know, a number of those things. And really this is the first besides I would say like my football career that was definitely something that I wanted to do and I worked hard to do and I but even that I feel like could have been a lot different if I had known what I know now. Yeah, but I think this is the first thing that I have like been like wow, that's something I want to do and found a way to move towards it in the way that I wanted to move towards it and not just been like and I could probably be good that I guess I'll do it somehow so right. Still talking in circles over here. I mean, you know still

Katy Weber 1:09:59
but very articulate making perfect sense as as one of the things I that really stuck with me was the episode from the from the your episode was was how articulate I am not articulate this morning. One of the things that really stuck with me was how well you were able to just to describe those, those sort of universal feelings that many of us had in a state of overwhelm, right? Like, I think when you are in a state of overwhelm, you are just playing whack a mole, you are just taking things as they come at you. And there's this feeling like you're treading water. And I feel like when you are able to, especially with the proper coaching, you're able to kind of step outside of that version of you and see it for what it is. And then once you're kind of once you're outside of that overwhelmed version of you, and you can start to look at and say okay, what am I learning from this? What is this information? Where am I going to go? And then you can actually get to a place of introspection, where you can start to reflect and strategize and make intentional decisions, right. But I think so many of us are teetering on that overwhelm, and burnout all the time, thinking, fix me, fix me fix me, right. And I think a lot of it is undoing that, that treading water and just kind of getting to shore so that you can take a breath.

Emily Weinberg 1:11:14
Yeah, yeah, totally. It's, it's before, it's kind of this feeling of like, I just got to do what I got to do. And, you know, this is life, and life is hard. And it appears to be easier for a lot of other people. But who knows. So I'll just kind of tried to fight my way into looking like I have some kind of handle on things that I don't actually have a handle on, but it appears I have a handle on them. And that that's kind of it's like, it's like you're saving grace, when you're when you are at kind of like, I know, you talk about often like the swan, or duck or whatever it is like paddling underwater, it's like your saving grace, that you appear to kind of like, know what you're doing. And I feel like it also becomes really evident. Kind of like that change that has happened within me. When I do go and coach someone who I've, like, so relate to, because I'm like, yeah, like I was literally in your position of having all of this, like, self doubt, and shame and guilt and like, frustration and just, you know, wanting to be different, or for it to feel easier, or whatever. I feel like for a while I was kind of still a little bit attached to that mentality. And I find myself like, being able to get a little more distance from it. So I can like kind of see it from an outset. I can still relate to it so much, but I can like, I feel like I can help more now. Because I can kind of see that there is a way to get out of that. Brace for a while it kind of felt like I was like, thinking that there was a way to get out of it, because I still felt really still in it.

Katy Weber 1:13:16
Yeah, no, no, that makes total sense, right? It's kind of the difference of like, you know, the fact that we all read all the self help books that give the answer was going to be at the end of the book. And then it's like, no, I'm following all the instructions. And it's not working out for me for some reason. You're like, you just have to let go. Yeah, yeah. Now, did you get any feedback from the interview after it was aired?

Emily Weinberg 1:13:37
I did. I mean, it was it was tricky, because at the time, I was like, I don't have an Instagram, I don't have an email, I don't have a website. So I think I just kind of made it very hard for anybody to actually know who I was. But there were a few people who seem to figure out who I was, which was like, great. And then I was like, Man, I should have from those few people in the interaction with those few people I did have some regret of like, I actually kind of wish I had put myself out there even more as like a way to contact me. And I actually ended up doing practice coaching with somebody from Australia, who had reached out to me just like asking questions and like being interested and it was right around the time in my program where I was like really trying to ramp up my practicing. And I was like, well listen, I do need some people to practice on. Like, if you want some free coaching where I'm not like I'm still trying to figure it out, too. And that was like such a amazing experience. And we're still in touch and it's like, you know, I think we did like six sessions and then daylight savings, like, just totally screwed us up. But like we're still in touch and you know, it's really cool that it was so impactful for her and yeah, so So yes, I did and then and then from my I own like personal people that I know who listened to it, you know, as cool as just a lot of people being like, Oh, they're VHDX to like, you know, can we listen to the episode? That's really neat. As well as you know, I had a friend reach out kind of saying, like, who does not have ADHD? Who was really a really good friend who was like, I never knew you had ADHD, like, I'm sorry, if you felt like you couldn't tell me and I was like, oh, no, I, I kind of thought you didn't know. I'm not trying to guilt people. But she was like, you know, my sister has ADHD. And like, this puts a lot of things into perspective, for kind of how she is. And I really never knew that, like it might be impacting her in these ways. And so I kind of, it was cool that she was able to, like, look at her sister with a bit more compassion. And so that was kind of something that I hadn't really expected. Like, I was thinking, if somebody has ADHD, and they listen to this, it's cool. Like, they'll relate. But then I sometimes forget about, like, the people who don't, but are in relationship with somebody who does and kind of helping them understand their perspective, a little more. I really, that was really cool. It reminded me when I was a teacher, I used to, like, constantly get on my soapbox about like, girls can do everything. And like, you know, all sports are for girls, all colors, all gate, whatever, thinking so strongly about like the little girls that I was trying to impact. And like, I have a football player, like, don't tell me girls can't play football. I'm a football player. And also remembering the little boys who are also getting the same message, how equally impactful it was for them. So that was kind of a cool byproduct that I hadn't. I just I didn't expect that part of it.

Katy Weber 1:16:53
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just excited to get a chance to be able to reconnect with you. And also thank you for the influence that you've had on me and my journey and the influence, you know, on the conversation that we had and how much I appreciated it. And I certainly got a lot of feedback from that episode. A lot of people really appreciating you sharing your story. So I just yeah, I'm just excited to get to see this journey unfold for you. And update us update your website so that people can now reach out

Emily Weinberg 1:17:27
to you. Yeah, I have it all. Now. Now. Now I have it all put into place. I'm like, really? I'm ready. Now ready to actually connect with people and and, you know, offer the support that I have.

Katy Weber 1:17:44
Good. Oh, all right. Well, great. Well, thanks, Emily. I'm so glad I got to get a chance to catch up with you. And best of luck to you.

Emily Weinberg 1:17:52
Thanks. And I honestly want to thank you too, because I really like this talking to you on this podcast was a huge turning point for me, I think personally, because again, we talked a lot about kind of like that hidden. Like, I just wasn't out with my ADHD. And I had a lot of kind of doubts moving towards coaching because it became like, How can I possibly be an ADHD coach, if I don't even really share with people that I have ADHD? It feels like I'm like trying to hide something. And there was so much mind drama, prior to your episode. And this was like pulling such a bandaid for me and like the mind. Like everything has kind of shifted since then. And then it just became like, Yep, I have ADHD. I can, you know, tell you more about ADHD. I'm working to become a coach. There just wasn't so much like, oh, I don't know how to tell people that so I feel like your podcast was like a huge kind of turning point for me mentally to just be able to like, share it out with somebody who understood and then wanting to vomit but putting it out there anyways, just to kind of like it was like throwing my hands in the air of like, Yep, here it all is. Go ahead. Take it listen, if you want to listen, so I really appreciate that you had me on. I think it's I was so happy when you contacted me again because I it was still one of my favorite experiences was just chatting with you on the show is so cool. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Katy Weber 1:19:39
There you have it. Thank you for listening and I really hope you enjoyed this episode of the women and ADHD podcast. If you'd like to find out more about me and my coaching programs, head over to women and adhd.com If you're a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you'd like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit women and adhd.com/podcast guests and you can find that link in the episode show notes. Also, you know, we ADHD ears crave feedback. And I would really appreciate hearing from you the listener, please take a moment to leave me a review on Apple podcasts or audible. And if that feels like too much and I totally get it, please just take a few seconds right now to give me a five star rating or share this episode on your own social media to help reach more women who maybe have yet to discover and lean into this gift of nerd of urgency. And they may be struggling and they don't even know why. I'll see you next week when I interview another amazing woman who discovered she's not lazy or crazy or broken, but she has ADHD and she's now on the path to understanding her neuro divergent mind and finally using this gift to her advantage. Take care till then